IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several individuals are migrating away from an agricultural
background
Use synonyms
 to relocate to urban areas in order to search for jobs. The essay will elaborate both the effects the society might encounter and the possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 drawback. Individuals are relocating from agricultural
background
Use synonyms
 to urban areas
due to
Linking Words
 the following reasons: one,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 works
such
Linking Words
 as farming is tedious job that requires much energy and strength. People nowadays are not physically active
due to
Linking Words
 environmental and air polutions, unhealthy foods they consume,
therefore
Linking Words
 they tend to relocate to the urban areas for white coloured jobs that requires less energy. Again
agriculture
Use synonyms
 works pays less in some parts of the world
for instance
Linking Words
 Africa.
This
Linking Words
 leads the individual migrating for well paid jobs
such
Linking Words
 as factory and office
work
Use synonyms
. To add up,
due to
Linking Words
 lack of morden
tools
Use synonyms
 and
equipments
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for agric
work
Use synonyms
 people find it more difficult to engage in, they still practice old traditional method of farming which makes
work
Use synonyms
 less efficient and effective. Possible solutions to these problems as as follows: government should provide more advanced
tools
Use synonyms
 and
equipments
Use synonyms
 for morden day agricultural practices for effectiveness of
work
Use synonyms
. Again awareness creation by the municipality or education in the society to workers.
For instance
Linking Words
 campaigning about the importance of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 to the society and country as a whole. Government should
also
Linking Words
 create some funds and allocate to workers as means of motivation to the individuals.
To conclude
Linking Words
, people are migrating from agricultural
background
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
work
Use synonyms
 being tedious, it pays less and lack of
tools
Use synonyms
 and
equipments
Use synonyms
 for morden day use.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problems are: government should provide advanced
tools
Use synonyms
 and
equipments
Use synonyms
, awareness creation, creating funds to allocate for workers for them to maintain in the
agriculture
Use synonyms
background
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas to ensure a more seamless flow of the essay. This will help your essay feel more coherent.
task achievement
Strive to provide more specific examples to support your points. Examples help to illustrate your ideas better and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Revise grammar and lexical choices. While your ideas are clear, there are frequent errors in language use that impact the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences to reinforce that idea. This will strengthen the overall structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented a complete response to the essay question, addressing both the consequences and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
You offer a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and emphasize your main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: