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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Teachers
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, by many, are considered to be underpaid. There are arguments for the increase of teacher wages, other arguments
this
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 money should be spent on
computers
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instead
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. Considering the importance of high-quality
teachers
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, and comparing
this
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 to the benefits of
computers
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, it is clear
teachers
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 would need to be prioritized when raising expenditures on education. High-quality
teachers
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 are a major factor in the success rate of pupils in later life.
For instance
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, studies show that pupils
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were taught by the best-performing
teachers
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 compared to their peer group
,
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apply
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 performed significantly better in university.
In contrast
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, there is no clear evidence that improved use of
computers
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 in the classroom leads to improved test scores in students.
Therefore
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, it is of utmost importance we prioritize
teachers
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 when extra budget becomes available.
Secondly
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, the increased use of
computers
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 in classrooms could potentially lead to detrimental effects on young adults. An example would be the more sedentary lifestyle
as a result
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 of
this
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 use.
This
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in addition
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 to less face-to-face teaching would lead to less productive teaching.
Therefore
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, the idea of increasing the amount spent on
computers
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 would be detrimental to pupils in my opinion.
To conclude
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, there is an ongoing discussion
whether
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about whether
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 to spend more resources on teacher wages or on
computers
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. After analysing the benefits and disadvantages of both arguments,
it is clear that
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teachers
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 have more impact on learning results than
computers
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 have.
Therefore
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 in my opinion we would be best served increasing the
teachers
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' salaries.

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coherence
Ensure that the introduction clearly sets the stage for the arguments you will discuss. A more specific thesis statement would provide clarity.
task achievement
While examples are relevant, providing more detailed and varied examples could further strengthen your points.
coherence
When presenting counterarguments, consider elaborating on why some might prefer spending on computers before stating your stance. This will make your discussion more balanced.
coherence
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points discussed.
coherence
The main points are logically structured and easy to follow, enhancing the readability of the essay.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses the task prompt, providing clear ideas and relevant examples to support the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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