Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Although
some people believe that visiting other countries has a positive
effacts
Correct your spelling
effect
effects
on the soul and body others prefer saving money and time rather than spending them on
travel
.
However
,
this
essay will discuss the benefits of having a new experience from other countries in the
world
and how
travilling
Correct your spelling
travelling
changes the brain and the way people think by learning about other cultures.
Firstly
, one of the best ways to discover the
world
is by
travel
and gaining new experiences,going to another country like Egypt or India opens a new window in history,
for example
, Egypt has places built a thousand years ago by the slaves who built the pyramids of Giza,
also
there is the Islamic castles and mosques from the golden age of Islam.
Furthermore
,
besides
the historical
places
Add a comma
places,
show examples
visitors can have fun and relax at night parties which is very popular in Egypt.
However
, individuals should at least
travel
once in their lives to experience and see the past and present of the
world
and gain a wider vision for the future.
In addition
to the above points, folks can learn about other cultures and their tradition,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
tasting different types of food like Asian dishes or Italian food.
Moreover
, people who
travel
a lot have an open mind which helps them to = understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
world
and build relationships easily.
For instance
, one of my friends every year goes to a different city in Europe which helps her to learn
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language like a native and have a job in a global company. there are a lot of things can
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
from learning about other nation and their tradition which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
worth spending money and time. In conclusion, I believe
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
is the best method to enjoy and relax on holidays and discover the
world
, which allows the brain to see life in other aspects
Submitted by mariaalshrife on

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task achievement
Your response to the task is generally complete, but there are some inaccuracies and room for improvement in clarity. Make sure to fully develop each point and support it with clear, specific examples.
task achievement
Try to keep your ideas clear and comprehensive. Ensure that each paragraph has a central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should connect smoothly to the next, and your ideas should flow logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a clear structure.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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