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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart gives information about the percentage of the media sources used by several
groups
Use synonyms
 of age to get everyday
news
Use synonyms
 in an unnamed nation in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, social networks were widely used only in a group of minors aged between 10 and 17,
while
Linking Words
 others
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to get
news
Use synonyms
 mainly from the radio. Looking into details, social networks made
nearly
Change preposition
up nearly
show examples
 80% of media in relatively younger
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 10-17 and 18-29 years.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the trend of using social networks as a
news
Use synonyms
 source
was tend
Wrong verb form
tends
show examples
 to decrease as people get older. In terms of
micro blogging
Add a hyphen
micro-blogging
show examples
, approximately one-fifth of people aged 18-29 used it to get
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
, which is the highest percentage among other
groups
Use synonyms
. Radio was the most popular media that people used to receive
news
Use synonyms
 making around 90% of all
groups
Use synonyms
, except the group of 10-17 years. The group of children aged 10-17 years used
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
 as twice less
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 middle-aged
groups
Use synonyms
, which was around 40%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, news with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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