Due to the effect of globalization, the culture of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a natural process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. What is your opinion about this?

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There are those who believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization is a phenomenon that
have
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has
show examples
affected the
culture
around the
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
and it is
threating
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threatening
treating
the
culture
identity
. Some argue that
this
change in
culture
part
Add a missing verb
is part
show examples
of a natural process. I believe, that
this
process is nurturing the
culture
,
that
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which
show examples
is
part
of evolution and not necessarily
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a bad
influenced
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influence
show examples
on
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
identity
. On the one hand, is argued that cultural expansion is going to erase or transform
peoples
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people's
show examples
cultural
identity
. With the mix of beliefs, experiences and practices a different
culture
will be born, and the old customs will be left behind. It is really difficult to control
this
exchange of cultures in a
globalizated
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globalised
world. Nowadays, everyone and everything is linked in
a
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one
show examples
way or another. It is inevitable that cultural exchange
happened
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happens
show examples
through
lenguages
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languages
language
,
cusine
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cuisine
, traditions,
travels
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travel
show examples
, and so on.
However
, I do not believe that
this
will transform the
essense
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essence
of a
culture
. It is more practical to see it as
part
of a cultural evolution.
On the other hand
, cultural mix is
part
of a natural evolution.
The cultural
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Cultural
show examples
identity
can
be define
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be defined
show examples
or
understand
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understood
show examples
as a mix of beliefs, customs,
lenguage
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language
, religion, tradition,
celebrations
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and celebrations
show examples
,
for
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to
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name a few.
This
are
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is
show examples
part
of the DNA of people, in a figurative way.
Additionally
,
this
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these
show examples
characteristics are the
differencial
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different
factor
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factors
show examples
of each group.
For instance
,
latin
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Latin
show examples
people can be
recongnaized
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recognised
for their
lenguage
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language
, their food and their own history. The same will happen with each country.
This
does not mean that
,
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apply
show examples
cultures can not be mixed in different scenarios like art,
cusine
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cuisine
and celebrations. to
conlude
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conclude
, I believe that cultural exchange is
part
of the
naural
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natural
course of humanity.
This
is
a
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an
show examples
advantage for society.
Expand
Wrong verb form
Expanding
show examples
and
nurture
Wrong verb form
nurturing
show examples
the
cultura
Correct your spelling
culture
and knowledge will always bring a
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
outcome for society.
Submitted by estefaniamn2014 on

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy. There are several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of your writing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.
vocabulary
Improve your lexical resource. Use a wider range of vocabulary to replace repetitive phrases such as 'cultural identity' and 'globalization'. This will help demonstrate a stronger command of the language.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While your arguments are clear, they would benefit from concrete examples that illustrate your ideas.
task response
You have done a good job of presenting both sides of the argument clearly. This demonstrates your ability to analyze a complex issue from multiple perspectives.
cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument in an organized manner.
task response
Your main points are relevant to the topic and show a thoughtful consideration of the issues involved.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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