IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
With the social and ecology development,more and more think is not necessary for
government
 to devote funds to arts,music and theatre.They think the
government
's investment in public
services
 is more important and should spend more money on it.I think both the two aspects can't be less in the modern city. Nowadays one person's growth needs not only the body's
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 but
also
spirits
Fix the agreement mistake
spirit
show examples
 foods. Public art including arts,music and theatre is a good way to develop dwellers' thinking.When they look at
this
 drawing,listen to songs,and watch theatres,they will think about things as actors,and they will experience others' lives.
Also
, the art form can make the city apply more literature,
as a result
, citizens will feel happier living in a city with these facilities Public
services
 are very important too.First of all,if society does not have public
services
,people will feel lots of pressure because of the large costs for different reasons.
For example
,when people get ill,they must afford the full price of medicine.It will be a large amount no matter in any level family.Public
services
also
 play an important role in people's hunger.
For example
,if any area in one country meets a hunger problem,the
government
 will distribute other areas to feed there's dwellers. Because of these reasons, I think no matter whether arts,music theatre or public
services
 are important.The
government
 should spend funds on the two aspects because no one should be given up.
Submitted by 1228237211 on

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task achievement
Work on making a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction that sets up your main points clearly. This helps in making the essay more structured and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph centers on a single main idea. This will improve the logical flow of information and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Develop your points further by integrating specific examples and explanations to substantiate your claims. This will show a deeper level of understanding and analysis.
task achievement
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing your main points briefly and emphasizing your stance. A strong conclusion helps in leaving a lasting impression.
task achievement
You have a balanced view on the subject, providing arguments for both sides of the issue. This enriches the discussion and shows a well-rounded perspective.
task achievement
You mentioned the importance of both arts and public services, which demonstrates an understanding of the multifaceted needs of society.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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