Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are those who believe that being old
it
is bad Correct pronoun usage
apply
despites
that, nowadays it is more Correct your spelling
despite
beareble
to get old. I believe that getting old is part of nature and despite Correct your spelling
desirable
of
the advances in Change preposition
apply
medicin
the outwards are more.
These days, Correct your spelling
medicine
innumerables
advances in technology are Correct your spelling
innumerable
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
for
Change preposition
to
people
. Treatments for cronic
pain, medical equipment that Correct your spelling
chronic
are
designed for Change the verb form
is
people
with limited mobility, early
detections of illness are improved thanks to technology. These new gadgets and treatments make easier the life of many Correct word choice
and early
people
, especially for the eldery
ones. A few years ago, an electronic wheelchair Correct your spelling
elderly
were
not available, Change the verb form
was
Correct word choice
and alternatives
alternatives
treatments for pain like Change the noun form
alternative
accupunture
and holistic medicine were out of the map. Correct your spelling
acupuncture
However
, today are available for most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
, making their life more confortable
.
DespiteCorrect your spelling
comfortable
of
, these new upgrades in health. Change preposition
apply
Reached
Wrong verb form
Reaching
certain
age in Correct article usage
a certain
this
society had many disadvantages. Nature, make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
that
any living creature after Correct word choice
sure that
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
their
full development Correct pronoun usage
its
started
the process of dying. For human Wrong verb form
starts
beings
Add a comma
beings,
this
happened
after they turn 30. Wrong verb form
happens
Additionally
, everything after 30 becomes more difficult, get
a job, Wrong verb form
getting
find
a partner, and being healthy. The social mindsetWrong verb form
finding
,
is that after 35 you are Remove the comma
apply
to
old, so even Replace the word
too
tough
, there are many Correct your spelling
though
discoverys
in health that will not Correct your spelling
discoveries
discovery
compensated
Change the verb form
compensate
the
social factor.
Change preposition
for the
To conclude
, I believe that live
a Wrong verb form
living
confortable
life despite Correct your spelling
comfortable
of
your age will Change preposition
apply
depends
on how Change the verb form
depend
much
economic and social resources Correct quantifier usage
many
do
you have. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, getting old it
is not a Correct pronoun usage
apply
glomorous
Correct your spelling
glamorous
proccess
and it is inevitable.Correct your spelling
process
Submitted by estefaniamn2014 on
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task achievement
It's important to have a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction, which would help in providing a better framework for your essay. Consider rephrasing your introduction to clearly indicate both perspectives and your stance.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows logically, some sentences can be restructured for better clarity. For instance, the transition between the introduction and body paragraphs can be smoother. Make sure each idea leads into the next seamlessly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and ensure they directly support the points you are making. For instance, when mentioning technological advances, you could specify particular devices or treatments and their impact on the elderly's life.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Combining short and longer sentences can make the essay more dynamic and less monotonous.
task achievement
You've successfully compared two different viewpoints on aging, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate usage of terms related to technology and medicine.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.