IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Nowadays, some
people
 believe that saving money for the future is essential, especially for
people
in
Change preposition
at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. I firmly agree with
this
 statement, since it is important to have our own
pension
 funds in
golden
Correct pronoun usage
our golden
show examples
 years and in terms of
skills
, money can be beneficial to be used as a resource
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our self-improvement. First and foremost, it is important for individuals to have the resources to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their needs during their
pension
 era. Once somebody
achieve
Change the verb form
achieves
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 their golden years, there are chances that they will experience
pension
 termination from their workplace.
As a result
, they may become jobless and no longer receive a regular salary to pay for their living costs. At
this
 level,
people
 have to ensure that they will not be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 financial burden for their families and relatives, especially their children, so that the younger generations can continue their lives without having to become "a sandwich generation", commonly known as those who finance both their own family and parents.
This
 is why one's savings,
such
 as
pension
 funds, that they have been keeping since young ages, matters.
Furthermore
, in terms of self-development,
people
 can always improve their
skills
 when they have enough resources, particularly money. Enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge is necessary for everybody.
Therefore
,
people
 always have to be ready to acquire new
skills
 at any time, in order to maintain their performance in their field of work.
Otherwise
, there will be no development in their career, since there are bigger chances for them to be easily replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters. Learning about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aratificial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence (AI) tools,
for instance
, is beneficial for everyone, regardless of their
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, so that they can keep up with the latest trend in
this
 fast-changing world. The development of AI is one of the
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 that
people
 in the past had never imagined, so their savings can help them to learn more about
such
 a new trend to compete with others. In conclusion, I tend to agree that everyone should always maintain their savings since they have to ensure the source of
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 living during the
pension
 area,
instead
 of depending on families or relatives.
Moreover
,
people
 always have to get ready to learn new
skills
 required to compete with younger generations in the industry as well.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will help make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Try to enhance your vocabulary and sentence structures to add more variety and sophistication to your writing.
task achievement
Some minor grammatical errors were noticed. Consider proofreading your essay to catch and correct these errors, as even small mistakes can slightly detract from the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You did a great job of presenting a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and reinforcing your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, and you effectively tie back to your thesis statement throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task fully, with clear and comprehensive ideas. It is evident that you have a strong understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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