Some parents buy their childern a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some parents that
expended
Verb problem
spend
show examples
a lot of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
, giving
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their offspring many
toys
to play
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
There are benefits
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
brain development and personal growth, especially for young ages.
However
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is a downside. Organization and
tidyness
Correct your spelling
tidiness
of spaces with all the
toys
and
also
excess of
toys
can
transformed
Change the verb form
transform
show examples
negatively the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
personalities. On one hand, it is
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
to
promoted
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
and
created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
spaces where
children
can play.
This
will
created
Change the verb form
create
show examples
better developed adults. There are many
toys
that are designed
for stimulated
Change preposition
to stimulate
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
brains. For
babys
Correct your spelling
babies
and
toodlers
Correct your spelling
toddlers
are
didatic
Correct your spelling
didactic
plays that
generated
Wrong verb form
generate
show examples
some responses from
certains
Correct your spelling
certain
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
of the brain.
Additionally
, for
children
and teenagers playing with their peers generated bonds. Playing time
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
children
certain values
such
as generosity,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
,
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
and social skills that will be
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
as an adult.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks.
Organize
Wrong verb form
Organizing
show examples
many
toys
is not easy, especially for the youngest ones. So it is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extra work for the parents to keep the
toys
organized.
However
,
this
is
also
a task that
children
must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn.
Organize
Wrong verb form
Organizing
show examples
their
toys
will give them a sense of
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
However
,
this
is not the only setback. The excess of
toys
can
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
negatively
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
personalities.
Ungreatful
Correct your spelling
Ungrateful
and
gready
Correct your spelling
greedy
people can be the outcome of
this
excess. It is important
as
Correct word choice
for
show examples
a parent to be aware of how many
toys
really need a kid.
To conclude
, I believe that playing for
children
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is paramount.
Toys
can be handy for
teached
Correct your spelling
teaching
and
improved
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
the brain
developed
Replace the word
development
show examples
of the youngest ones.
However
, everything
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
the right amount,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is nothing positive about excess or scarcity in any field of life.
Submitted by estefaniamn2014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling
Review your essay for grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Pay attention to spelling errors like 'lesiure' (leisure), 'neccesary' (necessary), 'promoted' (promote), etc. Correcting these can improve readability and professionalism of your writing.
Paragraph Structure
Make sure each paragraph clearly contributes to your central argument or discussion. Organize ideas logically to avoid any confusion for the reader.
Supporting Examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned the benefits and drawbacks, providing concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make the essay more compelling.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion wraps up the essay well but could be made stronger by summarizing the main points you’ve mentioned in your body paragraphs briefly before giving your final statement.
Essay Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Balanced Argument
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing your ability to understand multiple perspectives.
Vocabulary Usage
You have some good vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'brain development', 'personal growth', 'didatic', 'generosity', 'responsability' etc.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: