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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their childern a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys.

#parents #childern #toys #child
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There are some parents that
expended
Verb problem
spend
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 a lot of money
in
Change preposition
on
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 their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
, giving
to
Change preposition
apply
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their offspring many
toys
Use synonyms
 to play
.
Change preposition
with.
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 There are benefits
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 brain development and personal growth, especially for young ages.
However
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,
their
Replace the word
there
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 is a downside. Organization and
tidyness
Correct your spelling
tidiness
 of spaces with all the
toys
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 excess of
toys
Use synonyms
 can
transformed
Change the verb form
transform
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 negatively the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 personalities. On one hand, it is
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to
promoted
Wrong verb form
promote
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 and
created
Wrong verb form
create
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 spaces where
children
Use synonyms
 can play.
This
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 will
created
Change the verb form
create
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 better developed adults. There are many
toys
Use synonyms
 that are designed
for stimulated
Change preposition
to stimulate
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Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 brains. For
babys
Correct your spelling
babies
 and
toodlers
Correct your spelling
toddlers
 are
didatic
Correct your spelling
didactic
 plays that
generated
Wrong verb form
generate
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 some responses from
certains
Correct your spelling
certain
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the brain.
Additionally
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, for
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers playing with their peers generated bonds. Playing time
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
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children
Use synonyms
 certain values
such
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 as generosity,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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,
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
 and social skills that will be
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 as an adult.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks.
Organize
Wrong verb form
Organizing
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 many
toys
Use synonyms
 is not easy, especially for the youngest ones. So it is
an
Remove the article
apply
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extra work for the parents to keep the
toys
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 organized.
However
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,
this
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 is
also
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 a task that
children
Use synonyms
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn.
Organize
Wrong verb form
Organizing
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 their
toys
Use synonyms
 will give them a sense of
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
However
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,
this
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 is not the only setback. The excess of
toys
Use synonyms
 can
affected
Change the verb form
affect
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 negatively
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 personalities.
Ungreatful
Correct your spelling
Ungrateful
 and
gready
Correct your spelling
greedy
 people can be the outcome of
this
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 excess. It is important
as
Correct word choice
for
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 a parent to be aware of how many
toys
Use synonyms
 really need a kid.
To conclude
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, I believe that playing for
children
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is paramount.
Toys
Use synonyms
 can be handy for
teached
Correct your spelling
teaching
 and
improved
Wrong verb form
improving
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 the brain
developed
Replace the word
development
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 of the youngest ones.
However
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, everything
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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 the right amount,
their
Replace the word
there
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 is nothing positive about excess or scarcity in any field of life.
Submitted by estefaniamn2014 on

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Grammar and Spelling
Review your essay for grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Pay attention to spelling errors like 'lesiure' (leisure), 'neccesary' (necessary), 'promoted' (promote), etc. Correcting these can improve readability and professionalism of your writing.
Paragraph Structure
Make sure each paragraph clearly contributes to your central argument or discussion. Organize ideas logically to avoid any confusion for the reader.
Supporting Examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned the benefits and drawbacks, providing concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make the essay more compelling.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion wraps up the essay well but could be made stronger by summarizing the main points you’ve mentioned in your body paragraphs briefly before giving your final statement.
Essay Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Balanced Argument
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing your ability to understand multiple perspectives.
Vocabulary Usage
You have some good vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'brain development', 'personal growth', 'didatic', 'generosity', 'responsability' etc.
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