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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.
#children #women #years #australia #year #information
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The table illustrates the number of kids ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1981, 1986, 1996 and 2006. The units of
measurements
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measurement
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 are given in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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four years,
high
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a high
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 percentage of deliveries was witnessed in
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
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 of two
children
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whereas
Linking Words
 low cases were witnessed in
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
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 of one child except in one
year
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 that had the lowest
birth
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 in four or more
children
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. First of all, women delivered two
children
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 the most in all the years.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1981, 1986, 1996 and 2006 had 38.3%, 38.2%, 35.6% and 29.0 per cent respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, low figures were observed in the
birth
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 of one child in 1996, 1986 and 1981 which had 11.3%, 8.7% and 7.6% respectively. In the
year
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 2006, the low cases were shown in
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birth
Add an article
the birth
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 of four or more
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 which had 11.0 per cent.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the high number of
children
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 born had an upward turn from 1981 with 29.0% to 2006 where 38.3 figure was recorded.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, birth, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fertility rate
  • demographic shift
  • age cohort
  • workforce implications
  • government policy
  • birth rate fluctuations
  • education level
  • career advancement
  • reproductive health
  • family planning
  • socio-economic factors
  • population pyramid
  • life expectancy
  • childbearing age
  • maternity leave
  • contraceptive methods
  • population growth rate
  • average family size
  • maternal health
  • census data
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