IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

oday, anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?

#oday #anybody #phone #work #time #week #development #effects #individuals #society
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Because of the significant development of technology, electrical devices have played a vital role and have a huge impact on
humans’
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human’
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life
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lives
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.
Therefore
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, in today's world, people can
work
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 and receive personal calls through a smartphone. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages
,
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apply
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 and
also
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 present my perspective. On the one hand, a primary reason to answer
work
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 and calls through mobile phones is the increase
of
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in
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work
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 productivity.
As a result
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, people can access
work
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 emails,
documents
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and documents
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, and collaborate remotely. One
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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excellent
examples
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example
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 is some applications
such
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 as Gmail and Google Chat allow workers to give tasks and communicate with each other more efficiently.
Furthermore
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, for businesses,
this
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 kind of device can assist
to increase
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in increasing
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the
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apply
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profits by enhancing the quality of their customer services which
also
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 means that the
employment
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employees
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 can support their customers
round
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around
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 the clock.
On the other hand
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, receiving
work
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 calls through
smart phones
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smartphones
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 can be one of the biggest distractors. People can be easily disturbed by
work
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 messages which come up directly on their devices’
screen
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screens
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.
Consequently
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, workers can never truly enjoy their time for entertainment and relaxation.
For instance
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, a study revealed that 70% of workers experience burnout
due to
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 their inability to disconnect from
work
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.
In addition
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, working on phones can throw employers off their
work
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-life balance which can lead to
the suffer
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suffering
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 from stress and
the
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a
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 decline
of
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in
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 mental health. To illustrate, a survey showed that 35% of employees say their smartphone usage negatively impacts their
work
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-life balance.
This
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 suggests that constant
work
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 availability through smartphones leads to feelings of being on the clock even outside of working hours. In conclusion,
while
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 the benefits of smartphones in answering
the
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apply
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work
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 and personal calls are the increase
of
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in
show examples
 productivity and accessibility to emergency situations, the drawbacks
of
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apply
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it
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apply
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are the unbalance of
work
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 and life. From my point of view, I believe that
this
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 innovation is a positive development;
however
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,
the
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apply
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individuals should have their own solutions to use it most efficiently.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured, but including a more precise thesis statement in the introduction could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported with examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay logically progresses from one point to another, but the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother by using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both the positive and negative effects of the development.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples and statistics to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for different points.
coherence cohesion
Both your introduction and conclusion are present and sufficiently summarize your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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