Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opine
Watching
televison
or roaming on the Correct your spelling
television
ınternet
are quite harmful for Change the capitalization
Internet
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
however
, The most benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
influential
subject is certainly family and Correct word choice
and influential
this
essay is going to explain that
prominence of family .
On the one hand, today many Correct determiner usage
the
parents
want to be more cautios
towards their Correct your spelling
cautious
childrens
because the Correct your spelling
children
children
can be easliy
distracted in terms of education Correct your spelling
easily
therefore
parents
must play a crictical
role in Correct your spelling
crucial
kiddo's
life.
Correct pronoun usage
their kiddo's
Besides
, during the childhood's
growing Change noun form
childhood
up
period family take Change preposition
apply
a
care Remove the article
apply
their
Change preposition
of their
homeworks
, Correct your spelling
homework
exam's
outcomes , and Change noun form
exam
their
relationships. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, in the
Europe Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
live under limitations such
as turn
back house earlier , in order to they can Wrong verb form
turning
focuse
on Correct your spelling
focus
personel
Correct your spelling
personal
improving
. Replace the word
improvement
Morover
one of the most Correct your spelling
Moreover
essantial
term for the kiddos that become Correct your spelling
essential
an adolescents
thereby Correct the article-noun agreement
adolescents
an adolescent
parents
must forestall wrong choocies
Correct your spelling
choices
chooses
for instance
; usage
of drugs or Correct article usage
the usage
alchaol
. Ultimately ; the Correct your spelling
alcohol
parents
are precisely the most important factor in a child's development.
On the other hand
friendship
or leisure time activities like Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
televison
are Correct your spelling
television
incredibly
waste Change the word
incredible
time
because they prevent the Change preposition
of time
children
'development furthermore
, they can create an addicted
. Replace the word
addiction
For example
According to
the current reserach
; overusing Correct your spelling
research
of
the smartphone or televisionChange preposition
apply
lead
to set back Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
to
Change preposition
apply
personel
Correct your spelling
personnel
developing
especially people who are under Replace the word
development
age
of 18. İn addition, the students have to study and pass Add an article
the age
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
instead
of watching TV. Because of that these activities have a detrimental impact on the eduction
and these can never help out .
Correct your spelling
education
To conclude
, Front my point of
view The best way Change preposition
apply
for supporting
Change preposition
to support
children
's developing
is Replace the word
development
unambigiously
Correct your spelling
unambiguously
parents
, other aspects can not contribute to them unlike as known.Submitted by kickbox191 on
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coherence cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, try to use linking words more effectively. This can help to create a more logical flow between your ideas and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you cover both views in-depth and provide balanced arguments. Try to include more detailed examples and explanations for both sides to create a more comprehensive response.
general advice
Pay closer attention to grammar and spelling to avoid minor errors that can disrupt the reader's understanding. Proofreading your work can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in setting the context and summarizing the arguments effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses some specific examples to support its arguments, such as children in Europe having limitations and the research on smartphone and television overuse.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example