IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some companies sponsor sportsports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good for the world of sports, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people would argue that it is an effective
way
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 for many
companies
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 to advertise themselves by sponsoring
sports
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 clubs,
while
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 others say
this
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 method has drawbacks.
while
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 it is a fast
way
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 to reach their fans, I believe that
this
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 type of advertisement has a huge problem because some institutes are not qualified enough. On the one hand, using sport clubs to advertise for different
companies
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is increasing their sales.
this
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way
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 is
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 by many institutes to print their logo on players' T-shirts
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and make players take photos for their products, so they will earn more money.
For example
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, I used to attend
a football matches
Correct the article-noun agreement
football matches
a football match
show examples
 and I saw a lot of advertisements about a famous clinic
then
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 I visited it.
However
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, I believe
this
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 advertisement method can be not good for people , like when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 visited the clinic it was not good enough.
On the other hand
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, the main disadvantage of using
sports
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 activities to advertise some
companies
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 is they sometimes have low qualifications, because
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are focusing on their purpose to earn money rather than their quality.
This
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 means
sports
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 teams have to go to the clinic which is sponsoring them but they do not treat them very well, because they are not professional enough. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because work quality is important, especially for athletes. In conclusion,
although
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 investing in
sports
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 is the easy
way
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 to advertise their
companies
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,
this
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 is ultra-challenging for their work quality. It is recommended that
sports
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 teams should try any sponsored before, so they can ensure they are good at their work.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but some sentences and ideas could be connected more smoothly to enhance overall coherence and cohesion. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is well-supported by specific examples. This will help you achieve a more fully developed and persuasive argument.
grammar vocabulary
Work on using more varied and complex sentence structures, as well as improving grammatical accuracy. Minor errors do not critically impact comprehension, but they can affect overall fluency.
task achievement
You have made a commendable attempt at discussing both views on the topic, with a clear opinion stated in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, which is a good basis for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples to support your points, which adds value to your arguments.
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