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Band 5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#governments #money #railways #roads
The government should ensure a safe
as well as
 fast means of transportation systems among citizens. Especially,
spend of
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 money more on
railways
 rather than on roads was a debate. More people in society tend to believe that the
railways
 have a myriad of possibilities to offer. Personally, I
also
 concur with
this
 statement, and the government has to focus on the development of the railroad.
Firstly
, it is well-known that modern technology and the need for contemporary equipment are on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 rise. What I mean here is that the city should improve continuously based on modern needs. The construction of
railways
 can minimize traffic
congestion
 and serious consequences behind it, not only
congestion
 but
also
 it can save the residents time by providing a schedule of running hours of the
railways
.
For instance
, in Chicago, after the construction of
railways
, the level of traffic
congestion
 noticeably lowered, and the spare time citizens gradually increased.
Secondly
, it can
also
 be argued that the air that vehicles release is showing a negative impact on the environment.
Hence
, the green areas of the city are getting polished, and the victims of
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
 air are the community. Take for an illustration, the metropolis Almaty in Kazakhstan. The smoke of diverse vehicles
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negatively affecting the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
 health. In 2023,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hundreds of health records of bronchitis and asthma, which are the consequence of the smoke.
However
, the movement of
railways
 goes with the electricity, which has zero impact on
anyones'
Change noun form
anyone's
show examples
 health. In conclusion, it will be great if the government starts to finance more
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
railways
, since the
reducement
Correct your spelling
reduction
 of traffic
congestion
, the time citizens can save, the safe of the residents, and the quality of the air are the profound reasons to improve railway systems. The obvious priority
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the greenery of the city and the most reliable transportation is by the railway.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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grammar
Address minor grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. For example, "spend of money more" should be "spending more money."
sentence structure
Improve sentence structures to enhance readability. Some sentences are long and complex, which may make it difficult for readers to follow.
coherence
Ensure clarity in linking sentences and ideas, particularly when transitioning between points. This will help maintain a strong coherence throughout the essay.
introduction
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue. The author has expressed their personal viewpoint clearly.
examples
Strong examples are used to support the main points, such as the example of Chicago for reducing traffic congestion and the illustration of Almaty for environmental impact.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s position, providing a strong end to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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