Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can buy happiness without much money? What are the factors contribute towards happiness?
The large-scale of the better
life
in the world linked
with monetary, Add a missing verb
is linked
nevertheless
it doesn’t mean happiness
depends on money. A major part of the members of the public think
they can be in a good mood merely via wealth, Change the verb form
thinks
although
there are various factors that make them glad. These points of view will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs.
The
Correct article usage
Life
life
is not the same level of challenging
for everyone, one of them can suffer from Replace the word
challenge
the
disease which has Correct article usage
a
not
medical care, though have much capital, other pieces of them meet with difficulties from Correct your spelling
no
the
lack of financial Change the word
their
situations
, but they are pleased Fix the agreement mistake
situation
from
their Change preposition
with
life
. Someone can acquire something with the amount of fund
, Fix the agreement mistake
funds
however
they cannot receive everything via wealth. I think the moods of a person cannot be bought with money.
Add a comma
however,
On the other hand
, despite the difficulties in life
, there are also
positive aspects that can make us feel cheerful. Primarily, all humans must love their life
because it is a fundamental aspect of our environment. The benefits of these days will be more meaningful than others, and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
as a result
, day by day, they will increase the enjoyment of life
. Additionally
, people must choose the correct ones for friendship and the
energy Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
people’
Change noun form
people
s
Correct your spelling
's
life
more meaningful. The days spent with loved ones are always remembered with fondness and bring Fix the agreement mistake
lives
happiness
to individuals.
In conclusion, while
many people believe that a better life
is linked to monetary wealth, true happiness
cannot be bought with money. People can achieve happiness
by loving their life
and spending time with their loved ones, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
such
as friends.Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and attempts to discuss both questions posed. However, the argument is somewhat general and lacks detailed support. Try to include more concrete examples and specific details to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are generally organized logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences are unclear, and the structure can be improved to enhance clarity. Work on developing a clear logical progression of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
language
Some sentences are complex but have awkward phrasing or grammatical errors. Try to simplify your sentences where possible and ensure that your ideas are conveyed clearly. A review of grammar and sentence structure will help.
coherence cohesion
Include more transitional phrases to improve the flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow and more coherent.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to respond to both parts of the prompt, which shows good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear start and finish to the essay.
task achievement
The idea of contrasting different people's challenges and what brings them happiness is an interesting and relevant point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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