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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, governments are investing heavily in renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power.Do you think the benefits of renewable energy outweigh the drawbacks?

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In a number of nations, higher authorities are giving financial support to
energy
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sources
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, which are renewable
such
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 as solar and
wind
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power
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.
Although
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 there are some
marine
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 habitats which are becoming extinct in the process of hydropower, other
sources
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 can provide a good lifestyle at a very low cost
as well as
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 help humans save
non-renewable
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 resources.
That is
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 why,
it is clear that
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 two advantages overpower the single disadvantage. One of the renewable
energy
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sources
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 is hydro
energy
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 source.
This
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 process is being done in the ocean and the ocean water is being used to make electricity.
However
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,
marine
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life
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 is affected by
this
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 because people install big fans and pumps underneath the sea, where all
marine
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life
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 exists like fish, whales, turtles, and starfish.
Due to
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 the noise that comes from the fans, it is really hard for
marine
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life
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 to communicate because they talk to each other by conveying sounds.
As a result
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,
this
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hydro
Correct your spelling
hydroenergy
energy
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 source acts as a barrier and during the time of reproduction, they never be able to meet because of the loud noise. In the end, many of the species become extinct. On the brighter side, solar and
wind
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power
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 each have one strong upside.
First,
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solar
power
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 is just
one-time
Correct article usage
a one-time
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 investment. People need to buy solar panels once and those can run smoothly for years and provide
power
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 to the whole house. All it needs
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
bright sun.
For instance
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, my parents bought 10 solar panels in 2019, and since that day all the electricity is generated by those panels and my parents are amazed as they are able to save money. Second,
wind
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power
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 has almost no drawbacks as
this
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 process does not include the use of
non-renewable
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sources
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 , unlike others. The windmills are set up at high mountains and they need
high speed
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high-speed
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 winds to revolve the fan faster, which in return produces the
power
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. There is no need for water to make the fan revolve.
Therefore
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,
this
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 method helps save
non-renewable
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sources
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such
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 as water. In conclusion, because solar and
wind
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power
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 provide electricity at
a very low prices
Correct the article-noun agreement
very low prices
a very low price
show examples
as well as
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not use
non-renewable
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sources
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 to generate
power
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, it is crystal clear the benefits outweigh the single drawback of hydropower
energy
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. As the latter method is a threat to
marine
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life
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.

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task achievement
Expand on your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations, especially regarding the disadvantages of renewable energy. This will strengthen your points and improve your task achievement score.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and complexity of your ideas. While your essay is comprehensive, digging deeper into each point can add more depth. Be sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance cohesion. Using more transitional phrases could help your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion well. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with explanations and examples, such as the personal anecdote about solar panels. This makes your arguments more relatable and concrete.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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