IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in the cities and the town, leaving only the old people in the countryside. What problem are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays, so many
people
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 are leaving the
countryside
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 to live in the
cities
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 and
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 the old
people
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 on their own in the
countryside
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 . In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I am going to mention some of the
problems
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 caused by abounding the
countryside
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 and
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 the old
people
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 alone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and the solution for that problem .
Firstly
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 , if the middle age
people
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 started to leave the
countryside
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 it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 cause
to
Replace the word
too
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 many serious
problems
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.
Such
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 as , financial issues , the growth of the
countryside
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 will stop , and the farms will go down ...
Secondly
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, leaving the old
people
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 alone in the
countryside
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 will lead to healthcare
problems
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 and
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
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 death , and that's because old
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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suffer from serious diseases needs special care and treatment and that won't be available if the elder
people
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 are left by themselves .
In addition
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, the population of the
countryside
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 will dramatically drop , and the reason for
that is
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 the population of the
countryside
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 depends on the middle age
people
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 .
Moreover
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 , if the old
people
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 were left alone in the
countryside
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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farming
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 decrease .
For example
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, there will not be many fruits and vegetables planted .
As a result
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 ,the
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cities
Change noun form
city's
cities'
show examples
people
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 will get more
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by that issue . In conclusion , so many
people
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 leave the
countryside
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 and go live in the
cities
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 the reason for
that is
Linking Words
 they think that the
cities
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 life is better and
interesting
Correct quantifier usage
more interesting
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 . That thinking causes many issues, I have mentioned above of these
problems
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. The solution
for
Change preposition
to
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 that problem is
people
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 should think very
good
Change the word
well
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 before abounding the
countryside
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 and the
problems
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 that their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 will cause .

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language
Try to consistently use the correct verb tenses and forms to improve clarity in your essay. For instance, instead of 'will get more effected,' use 'will be more affected.'
coherence cohesion
Work on developing each point fully with clear beginning and ending sentences. This will help in improving the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points, which would help strengthen your arguments and enhance the task achievement.
content
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully outlining the problems and proposing solutions.
content
You addressed both parts of the task: the problems caused by the migration and the potential solutions, which demonstrates a complete response.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • demographic shift
  • agricultural labor
  • increased urban population
  • medical care
  • elderly care
  • rural culture
  • urban infrastructure
  • resources
  • brain drain
  • government incentives
  • job opportunities
  • awareness
What to do next:
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