Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Although
,Beauty has the ability to attract people
. Recently,both genders Verb problem
have
are take
care more about their structure and glamour than in the past.I partially agree with Change the verb form
are taking
are taken
this
statement.This
essay will articulate the predominant reasons for partial agreement in forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, nowadays, people
are suffering various problems like body shaming .This
will put people
in a depression.Currently,folks are more conscious about their loveliness, therefore
,people
are going to the beauty parlour and Jim.In the beauty parlour, they are doing chemical treatments ,such
as facial
, bleaching,hair straightening and smoothening.Fix the agreement mistake
facials
This
will irritate their skin
and hair, because of individuals
situation,Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
they
are doing Change preposition
in they
these kind
of activities.Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
Moreover
, Myriad humans are using skin
whitening cream to become fair .But these creams never provide white
colour for the Correct article usage
a white
skin
.Which causes skin
cancer and kidney diseases
.For example
,a news channel reported that, people
who are used
face creams Change the verb form
have used
diagnosed
with chronic kidney Add a missing verb
are diagnosed
diseases
.
Secondly
, jimnesias have the
significant role in maintaining the body.That will help the community to mitigate Correct article usage
a
over weight
.There is no other negative impact on going to the fitness centre.It will give a good body shape.Correct your spelling
overweight
This
has a pivotal role in preventing heart diseases
. To epitome: A survey states that 90% of Fix the agreement mistake
disease
people
going
to fitness Wrong verb form
go
centre
to become healthier.
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
To conclude
,today people
are facing a lot of harrasment
from Correct your spelling
harassment
the
society,Correct article usage
apply
this
makes mankind to become
beautiful.By using face creams,they are calling Verb problem
apply
diseases
themselves.Fitness centres can boost their stamina.Through this
, humankinds
can avoid health issues.All Correct your spelling
humankind
people
are doing
not care Wrong verb form
do
of
their appearance.So I partially agree with Change preposition
about
this
situationSubmitted by saniyasunny1848 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more varied and sophisticated linking words. This will help the essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure you are directly addressing the question throughout your essay and maintain a clear position. Additionally, ensure every main point is directly relevant to the question.
task achievement
Use more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your responses and show a higher level of proficiency.
task achievement
When using examples, make sure they are specific and relevant to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which provides a clear structure.
task achievement
Relevant examples were provided to support some of the points, such as mentioning the news channel report and the survey about fitness centers.