IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects . Others say it causes the loss of national identities.Discuss both of these views and give your own opnion.

#people #business #contact #countries #effects #loss #identities #opnion
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Society has different views about the positive effects of global
trade
 and cultural transactions between nations, some
people
 think it's beneficial.
Whereas
 there are a few who feel that the identity of the
country
 may fade away through
such
 exchanges, increasing
trade
 and acculturation between countries has advantages and disadvantages. Let me discuss both views and give my personal opinion. To embark
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the advantages, opening the way for international
trade
 requires infrastructure and manpower.
This
 provides vacant places for a lot of
youngestrs
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 to find a job and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 unemployment rates.
Furthermore
, a great amount of revenue accrues to the
country
 in the form of taxes paid by foreign companies for the infrastructure, leading to strong economic growth.
Additionally
, adopting
such
 strategic investments leads to consolidating relations with neighbouring countries,
for instance
, one of the reasons why countries
such
 as China
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 globally respected is the strength of the economic system and the easy
trade
 routes in the
country
.  To view the negative aspects, some
people
 justifiably argue about the fear of losing their identity and traditions after a period of time. We noticed that some foreign businesses are the opposite of the identity of the local
people
 and often
this
 affects the local brands.
Additionally
, every
country
 has its own unique culture and traditions,
mixing
Correct word choice
and mixing
show examples
 the cultures together may obliterate the roots of the
country
. To illustrate, Indian
people
 often adopt
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture and
forgetting
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
 their roots after the investment of Amazon, which led to cast out a lot of local businesses. By summarizing the
above said
Add a hyphen
above-said
show examples
 points, the advantages
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages of
such
 business and cultural relations. So I agree that developing
trade
 collaboration can greatly influence the nation's economic level in a positive way other than improving cultural diversity across the globe.
Submitted by Ayreen🍒 on

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logical structure
Improve the logical structure by ensuring all your paragraphs flow smoothly. Transitions between points could be clearer.
supported main points
Strengthen the main points with more detailed and varied examples. This will enhance the richness and support of your arguments.
complete response
Fully address the question by making sure you discuss both views equally and clearly state your personal opinion with adequate support.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents both views and states that you will discuss them along with your own opinion.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant specific examples, like the mention of China and India, which add depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • cultural exchange
  • foreign investment
  • job creation
  • international relationships
  • political cooperation
  • global stability
  • national identity
  • cultural homogenization
  • erosion of local traditions
  • global brands
  • local customs
  • diverse cultures
  • heritage
  • historical continuity
  • globalization
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