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Band 6

Some people believe that studing at university or college is the best rout so sussessful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #college #rout #sussessful #career #job #school
Over the
last
 few decades, it has been a subjective matter whether young people should pursue studying in tertiary science or give their literacy away and start to effort after graduating from
institution
Correct article usage
an institution
show examples
. From my standpoint, it would be more beneficial for the young generation to carry on teaching at
university
 or college since there will be more prospects for career advancement. On the one hand, there are several facts that support working straight after
university
. The primary reason for
this
 statement would be acquiring the experience from an early age and getting the hang of
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 in a particular domain
while
 their peers are attending classes at universities. To explain, gaining adequate knowledge and becoming highly qualified staff almost in every sphere requires years, and they could begin
this
 process after primary faculty
instead
 of roaming at
university
. The majority of manual
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and handwork
such
 as carpenters,
for example
, demand experience rather than theoretical knowledge.
Thus
, many people urge juveniles to
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 from an early age.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that continuing study in higher improvement would bring more benefits, which one could never obtain without qualification. To get a white-collar job, you need to get a certificate from your
university
.
Otherwise
, you have to agree to become a sweated labour, making it more difficult to earn a living.
In other words
, dead-end jobs are not able to offer a wide job
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 through which you can move up the career ladder. It is undeniable that most successful people have higher information in their specific domain, and by
this
, they have become masters of their
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
. Recently, scientists proved that 75 per cent of big companies require qualifications from universities from their applicants. For these reasons, young need to study if they want to develop in speciality.
To conclude
,
although
 there are some benefits for young to start working after
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
,
such
 as obtaining effort experience, in my point of view, they need to get a higher discipline to open a door for
further
 promotion.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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language use
Ensure that the essay is completely free of grammatical and lexical inaccuracies. It's important to proofread your work to correct minor mistakes/misspellings (e.g., 'studying', 'route', 'successful', 'literacy', 'endeavor').
task response
Although the key points are logical and relevant, providing more specific and varied examples would strengthen your arguments. Try to include real-life scenarios or statistics that support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more cohesive devices and transitional phrases. This will help in linking your ideas more effectively and making your essay flow smoothly from one point to the next.
task response
The introduction effectively outlines both views and clearly states your opinion, setting a clear focus for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points discussed and restates your opinion, creating a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and collectively they support the main thesis of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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