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Band 6.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [538]

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Many people
favor
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favour
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books
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 over
television
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 and digital
games
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 on the grounds of their impact on children. There is little to disagree with
this
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 notion, on which I will elaborate later.
First,
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unlike the more laid-back information consumption pattern inherent in
television
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 and gaming,
books
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 can help young readers cultivate their creativity. Without hardly any eye-catching illustrations, lively sounds, and interactive gimmicks offered by most
television
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 TV programs and
computer
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games
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, children readers are required to proactively imagine all the settings, characters, and events described in their reading materials.
This
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 cognitive process fosters their children’s visualization ability and observational skills.
Furthermore
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, the sustained concentration required for reading cultivates attention span and self-discipline, essential attributes for academic and lifelong success To
further
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 buttress my assertion, I note the fact that reading
books
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 offers
has
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apply
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several health unattainable through
television
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 or
computer
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games
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.
While
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 screens transmit blue light rays linked to vision impairments,
books
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 pose no
such
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 risk if readers are provided with adequate lighting.
This
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 immensely eases parents’ worries about their
offsprings’
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offspring’s
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 eyesight.
Conversely
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, TV viewers and gamers are susceptible to mental disturbance.
This
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 is substantiated by the fact that excessive digital device use before sleep often leads to insomnia and daytime fatigue. If left to persist,
such
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 symptoms will gravely deteriorate children’s cognitive functions and subject them to mental diseases
such
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 as stress and depression. In conclusion, children should be incentivized to read
books
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instead
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 of watching TV or playing
computer
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games
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. I take
this
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 stance on the grounds that
books
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 provide tremendous creative, cognitive, and health advantages unparalleled by
television
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 and
computer
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games
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.

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task achievement
While your main argument is clear and well-supported, consider adding more specific examples or evidence to further strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay is coherent and logically structured. However, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'Without hardly any eye-catching illustrations' should be 'Without many eye-catching illustrations'). Careful proofreading can help in picking up these minor issues.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have done well in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay, which contributes to the coherence and readability of your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are well-developed and comprehensive, showing a clear understanding of the topic. This addresses the task requirements effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
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