Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [538]

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
books
over
television
and digital
games
on the grounds of their impact on children. There is little to disagree with
this
notion, on which I will elaborate later.
First,
unlike the more laid-back information consumption pattern inherent in
television
and gaming,
books
can help young readers cultivate their creativity. Without hardly any eye-catching illustrations, lively sounds, and interactive gimmicks offered by most
television
TV programs and
computer
games
, children readers are required to proactively imagine all the settings, characters, and events described in their reading materials.
This
cognitive process fosters their children’s visualization ability and observational skills.
Furthermore
, the sustained concentration required for reading cultivates attention span and self-discipline, essential attributes for academic and lifelong success To
further
buttress my assertion, I note the fact that reading
books
offers
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
several health unattainable through
television
or
computer
games
.
While
screens transmit blue light rays linked to vision impairments,
books
pose no
such
risk if readers are provided with adequate lighting.
This
immensely eases parents’ worries about their
offsprings’
Change noun form
offspring’s
show examples
eyesight.
Conversely
, TV viewers and gamers are susceptible to mental disturbance.
This
is substantiated by the fact that excessive digital device use before sleep often leads to insomnia and daytime fatigue. If left to persist,
such
symptoms will gravely deteriorate children’s cognitive functions and subject them to mental diseases
such
as stress and depression. In conclusion, children should be incentivized to read
books
instead
of watching TV or playing
computer
games
. I take
this
stance on the grounds that
books
provide tremendous creative, cognitive, and health advantages unparalleled by
television
and
computer
games
.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your main argument is clear and well-supported, consider adding more specific examples or evidence to further strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay is coherent and logically structured. However, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'Without hardly any eye-catching illustrations' should be 'Without many eye-catching illustrations'). Careful proofreading can help in picking up these minor issues.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have done well in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay, which contributes to the coherence and readability of your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are well-developed and comprehensive, showing a clear understanding of the topic. This addresses the task requirements effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: