IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives #change
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Everyone dislikes the disturbance caused by new laws in society or even in their own lives. Change is inescapable and one should treat it in an optimistic way.
This
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 essay will shed light on the reasons why people like to remain the same and suggest why new updates in
life
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 should be considered as something favourable. There can be many
changes
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 in a society in the form of new laws and procedures, that aim to curb malpractices or protect our nature. Those
changes
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 can disturb the equilibrium and cause chaos in the whole nation.
For example
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, in India, Demonetization happened in 2016 when every citizen was required to return 2000 currency to the bank.
This
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 act affected many businesses tremendously old currency was prohibited
while
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 making transactions; it shook the whole nation specifically the poor. In personal
life
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, one has to make various decisions which could be hard, challenging and risky.
For example
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, taking admission
in
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to
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post graduation
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post-graduation
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 courses as an international
student
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 could be quite challenging
due to
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 its repercussions. The
student
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 needs to get passing scores on various tests, be financially strong, and face rejections during
visa
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the visa
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 process, thereby affecting the mental health of an individual.
Moreover
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, it could require change in their attitude, behaviour towards
life
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, and resilience towards failure. Even though the
changes
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 are emotionally and physically draining in the beginning, the end result is rewarding. When a person fights the challenges to adapt to the
changes
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, he learns and becomes independent and financially strong. Demonetization was first considered a rough and bad decision,
according to
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 the locals, but it proved beneficial in reducing corruption and bribery. The whole visa and admission process for a
student
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 could be demotivating at times but it opens new career opportunities and door for migration.
While
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 adjusting to the new culture in a foreign land, the
student
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 might learn many things regarding local traditions which could be useful in applying for part-time positions to earn money.
To conclude
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,
changes
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 are an inevitable part of one's
life
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 which should be dealt with courage. The
changes
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 make a person independent, strong, and mature in decision-making, helping in the growth of an individual and the nation.
Submitted by jahnvi.singh1812 on

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task achievement
Introduce a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the essay questions.
task achievement
Expand on examples with more depth to enhance the development of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully elaborated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
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