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Band 5

The movements of people from the villages to the cities  for work has caused  a lots of problems in both places

#movements #people #villages #cities #work #lots #places
Over the
last
 few years, moving from villages and working cities to lots of
problems
 in both places has become one of the major
problems
 that people should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
While
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of jobs in the countryside and financial challenges are major
problems
 behind these issues, there are several effective
solutions
 that could be applied. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the main causes and
solutions
 of
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, population relocation from rural
areas
 to urban
areas
 in favour of finding jobs has a negative impact on both places. The first driving force behind
this
problem
 is that the majority of the rural population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 leaving their homes to work in the city. As an example, if the villagers leave their homes and come to the city,
this
 will lead to a sharp increase in taxes, especially in hospitals and
more
Change the word
apply
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broader social needs.
On the other hand
, despite the fact that the migration from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to cities has numerous issues for both villages and towns, there are some reliable
solutions
 to it. The viable solution to
this
problem
 is government should encourage a wide range of job opportunities. They use modern technologies and it helps to make neglected rural
areas
 great again. The most important way by which
this
problem
 can be tackled is that many business companies and officials should pay attention to rural
areas
 and turn the village into a tourist destination.
To sum up
,
although
 moving to urban
areas
 from rural
areas
 is a serious
problem
that is
 creating many negative effects, it can be addressed with the
solutions
 that have been mentioned in previous paragraphs. From my point of view, in order to tackle
this
problem
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should ward off these
problems
 by providing jobs
as well as
 good price of salary.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

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task response
Clarify your argument by including more specific examples and details. For instance, you can mention specific countries or regions where rural-to-urban migration has caused significant issues.
coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by organising your main points more clearly. Use more linking words and transitions to help the reader follow your argument more effectively.
task response
Discuss both the problems and solutions more comprehensively. For example, you could elaborate more on how creating job opportunities can specifically benefit rural areas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea. This will help maintain a clear and coherent structure throughout the essay.
task response
You have attempted to address both the causes and solutions related to the problem of rural-to-urban migration, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps structure your essay effectively.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear and relevant to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good effort in discussing complex issues with some degree of logical sequencing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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