IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #money #tax
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These days, many
people
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 argue that they should be allowed to keep all their
money
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 and do not need to pay
taxes
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 to the
government
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. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement because there are many disadvantages of keeping all the
money
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 and
people
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 can deny paying tax will have many benefits. There are two main reasons why
people
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 should not keep all their
the
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apply
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money
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. One reason is the increase
of
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in
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 the inflation rate because the price of products and services will continuously go up by the times when
people
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 keep all the
money
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.
Therefore
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, the value of
money
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 will be lost.
Furthermore
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, societal discrimination will
also
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 appear. When
people
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 keep all the
money
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, rich and poor classes will appear and cause discrimination. Apart from the practical disadvantages of keeping all the
money
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 expressed above, I believe that
people
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 should pay
taxes
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 to the
government
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 because it is beneficial.
Firstly
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, the tax will play an important role in contributing to the fund for developing public services to serve
people
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.
Moreover
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,
taxes
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also
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 help the
government
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 to regulate the economy and reduce income inequality which causes discrimination.
Secondly
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, the
government
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 will use that fund to improve the educational quality and better healthcare system. They
also
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 spend
money
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 on constructing new buildings and maintaining infrastructure. In conclusion, I hold a contrary view to the statement that
people
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 are allowed to keep all the
money
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 without paying
taxes
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 to support the
government
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 in improving
the
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apply
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public services and their prosperous future.
Submitted by thanhtu.thcsbt on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear position on the topic, which is maintained throughout. However, the explanation in the second body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples to illustrate the benefits of paying taxes. Adding specific examples, particularly related to how taxes improve public services, would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and within them to ensure smoother flow of ideas. For example, instead of starting directly with 'There are two main reasons,' you could introduce the idea with a summary sentence that caters to the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'people can deny paying tax will have many benefits' and 'societal discrimination will also appear.' Revising these for clarity and accuracy will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the main argument.
task achievement
The argument against keeping all the money and not paying taxes is well-expressed and supported with logical reasoning. The connection between inflation, societal discrimination, and failure to pay taxes is effectively explained.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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