P. Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals insist that
boys
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and
girls
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should be educated in separate
schools
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,
while
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others insist that they can gain more in mixed
schools
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rather than in separate
schools
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. The former is mainly because fewer safety issues and fewer distractions among
students
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are expected in separate
schools
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, and the latter is because the cultivation of sociability to respect each other’s sex is expected in mixed
schools
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On the one hand, mixed
schools
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are beneficial for
students
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of both
sexes
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, especially in deepening their understanding of each other through direct communication in their daily
school
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lives, and
such
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communication skills can be available in future workplaces and in searching for their future partners. They can even experience close relationships within
schools
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.
For example
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,
students
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from mixed
schools
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are less shy than the other
sexes
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and they can create equal communication with each other when they enter universities.
However
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,
this
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merit is only limited to a few
students
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who are extremely shy and make little difference in the long run.
On the other hand
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, separate
schools
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have benefits in various ways; they have fewer distractions,
fewer
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and fewer
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safety issues aroused by relationship disputes compared to mixed
schools
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. In the juvenile period, when
boys
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and
girls
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develop their physical and mental maturity, it is common for them to start to date. It is once they break up, that one must stand in agony to keep one’s
school
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life in the same
school
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and sometimes they lose their friends of the same sex,
whereas
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in separate
schools
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,
such
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problems seldom happen because they do not create love affairs within their own
schools
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in most cases.
For instance
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, recent studies reveal that
boys
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and
girls
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in separate
schools
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, in fact, have more experience in dating with other sex
students
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and encounter fewer problems
such
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as
stoking
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smoking
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, and bullying in
schools
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, and
this
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has led to the fact that they can be more concentrated on what they want to do compared to those in mixed
schools
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.
Therefore
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, I insist that
boys
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and
girls
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have much more benefits in separate
schools
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than in mixed
schools
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. In conclusion,
while
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some people argue that
students
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benefit more in mixed
schools
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when they think of sociability,
sacrifice
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the sacrifice
a sacrifice
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of exposure to other
sexes
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within
schools
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creates distraction and more problems rather than merits in the long run, and
students
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of both
sexes
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can more concentrate on their own pursuit and enjoy
school
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lives in separate
schools
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.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your own opinion effectively. However, the examples could be more specific and varied, rather than relying on general statements or a single study.
coherence cohesion
Try to work on seamless transitions between points and paragraphs. This will help to maintain a logical flow and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that all sentences relate directly to that idea. This will make your writing clearer and more cohesive.
task achievement
You have successfully included both views and your own opinion in the essay, fulfilling the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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