IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's modern world, a substantial number of people have to
work
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 without their
relatives
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, especially friends and family members.
Although
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 it has certain disadvantages,
i
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I
show examples
 firmly believe that it offers several benefits and the benefits far outweigh its drawbacks.
This
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 essay will examine both positive and negative sides, supporting my perspective, and providing relevant examples, before reaching a well-justified conclusion. There are some issues
of
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with
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this
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 specific situation. The main problem is that people, who have to
work
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 away from their
relatives
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, face loneliness.
Consequently
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, the toxic stress levels can be increased, because some individuals cannot handle their high workload, mental well-being, and physical health. If they could have to share feelings and matters, these conditions can be mitigated. A recent study conducted by the University of Peradeniya (2024) revealed that 55%-60% of Sri Lankan abroad employees had struggled with loneliness. But,
this
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 is a normal condition of the current world and there are a lot of viable solutions to address
this
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 matter.
However
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, The primary advantage of
this
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 is high
work
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 efficiency. Most professionals believe that a non-favourable
work
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 area provides more efficient outputs. Individuals strive to avoid the pressure
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work
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of work
show examples
 and hard tasks, where they live with their
relatives
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.
Additionally
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, another major positive aspect is that
this
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 creates a clear and easy path for own success. Most of the successful persons had achieved their goals in their own circle without their families and friends,
for example
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, Elon Mask and Kumar Sangakkara. In conclusion, taking everything into account, I reiterate my belief that the merits of working away from their
relatives
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, including high
work
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 efficiency and success rate, ultimately outweigh the drawbacks,
such
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 as loneliness.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain both sides of the argument with equal depth.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
general
Check for grammar and punctuation errors, particularly capitalization of 'I'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and provides a good overview of your essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as Elon Musk and Kumar Sangakkara to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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