IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education so that they can at least read, write, and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #numbers
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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over whether offering six
years
 of free tuition is the best way to decline
poverty
 in thriving nations. In my opinion,
this
 is not the best way. It is clear to note that investing in free tuition for individuals lacking literacy and numeracy
skills
 can significantly reduce
poverty
 rates.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 explanation for
this
 could be that the current market requires employees to have the
skills
 to read and create contracts.
Tobe specific
Add a hyphen
Tobe-specific
show examples
, backbone industries provide a wide range of jobs
such
 as accountant and financer which require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
math
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. And it can expand job opportunities and achieve a wealth of high-paying jobs.
Hence
, offering 6
years
 of free tuition can expand work opportunities and achieve higher-paying jobs that can lift us out of
poverty
.
Although
 providing six
years
 of free education is effective for people, providing vocational
skills
 is even more valuable.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 is
due to
 the fact that vocational
skills
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 them with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income-making
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
.
For instance
, the government supplies a wide range of courses about weaving, knitting, and engineering which helps them meet job requirements though the educational level is not high.
Thus
, they can pay for themselves and their family's needs. In conclusion,
although
 offering up to six
years
 of free education is an effective reason to decline
poverty
 in fostering nations, providing vocational
skills
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 efficacious way that can live up to the needs of the poor to develop the country.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a balanced perspective. Currently, the essay argues that free education isn't the best solution but doesn't fully explore other options in depth.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences and clear paragraphs to structure the essay effectively. This will help in maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
task response
Make sure to clearly link your ideas and arguments with appropriate examples and explanations. Avoid overgeneralizing and be as specific as possible.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and grammar in a few places. For example, 'Tobe specific' should be 'To be specific.' Proofreading will help to catch such errors.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion, which provides a strong foundation for the essay.
task response
The essay highlights the importance of education and vocational training effectively, presenting two clear arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: