Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention. Others think it should be the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals

Though some argue that the

government

should bear responsibility for preventing

crime

, others believe that it is the obligation of individuals to protect themselves. In my opinion, I believe that the state plays a crucial role in

crime

prevention. On the one hand,

according to

some, it is the

government

's responsibility to combat

crime

because it has the authority to enact stringent legislation. By strengthening laws and imposing severe penalties on offenders, the

government

can effectively deter criminal activity.

For example

, in Singapore, drug-related

crime

has decreased significantly

due to

the enforcement of capital punishment for drug traffickers.

Furthermore

, since citizens pay taxes, the

government

has a primary role in ensuring public safety. With the tax revenues collected, the

government

can install more CCTV cameras on the streets, which will act as a deterrent to potential criminals. Knowing they are under constant surveillance will make people think twice before breaking the law.

On the other hand

, it is claimed, the persons bear responsibility for the

crime

. One reason is that law enforcement

limitation

Fix the agreement mistake

limitations

show examples

That is

to say, the enforcement or

government

can’t be present or able to intervene

immediate

Change the adjective

immediately

show examples

For instance

, in a day

crime

rate is about

to happen

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in different places at the same time. It’s not possible for the police to

present

Add a missing verb

be present

show examples

everywhere. Another reason is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

personal factors.

Therefore

, everyone should be more secretive about their passwords to avoid social

crime

Hence

, should change

Correct pronoun usage

their password

show examples

password

Fix the agreement mistake

passwords

show examples

frequently and don’t create

Add an article

a password

show examples

password

Fix the agreement mistake

passwords

show examples

to close

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their personal details.

To sum up

while

people may vary in their opinions I think

state

Add an article

the state

show examples

should

conscientious

Add a missing verb

be conscientious

show examples

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime

conservation.

Submitted by s_syedy on Wed Jul 17 2024

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task achievement

Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some points are not fully developed or lack sufficient detail.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain the flow of your argument.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.

task achievement

Specific examples, such as the situation in Singapore, add weight to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention. Others think it should be the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Transport preferences among young people from different countries

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