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Band 5

Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention. Others think it should be the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals
Though some argue that the
government
 should bear responsibility for preventing
crime
, others believe that it is the obligation of individuals to protect themselves. In my opinion, I believe that the state plays a crucial role in
crime
 prevention. On the one hand,
according to
 some, it is the
government
's responsibility to combat
crime
 because it has the authority to enact stringent legislation. By strengthening laws and imposing severe penalties on offenders, the
government
 can effectively deter criminal activity.
For example
, in Singapore, drug-related
crime
 has decreased significantly
due to
 the enforcement of capital punishment for drug traffickers.
Furthermore
, since citizens pay taxes, the
government
 has a primary role in ensuring public safety. With the tax revenues collected, the
government
 can install more CCTV cameras on the streets, which will act as a deterrent to potential criminals. Knowing they are under constant surveillance will make people think twice before breaking the law.
On the other hand
, it is claimed, the persons bear responsibility for the
crime
. One reason is that law enforcement
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
That is
 to say, the enforcement or
government
 can’t be present or able to intervene
immediate
Change the adjective
immediately
show examples
.
For instance
, in a day
crime
 rate is about
to happen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in different places at the same time. It’s not possible for the police to
present
Add a missing verb
be present
show examples
 everywhere. Another reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
personal factors.
Therefore
, everyone should be more secretive about their passwords to avoid social
crime
.
Hence
, should change
Correct pronoun usage
their password
show examples
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
show examples
 frequently and don’t create
Add an article
a password
show examples
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
show examples
 to close
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personal details.
To sum up
,
while
 people may vary in their opinions I think
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should
conscientious
Add a missing verb
be conscientious
show examples
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 conservation.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some points are not fully developed or lack sufficient detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the situation in Singapore, add weight to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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