IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention. Others think it should be the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Though some argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should bear responsibility for preventing
crime
Use synonyms
, others believe that it is the obligation of individuals to protect themselves. In my opinion, I believe that the state plays a crucial role in
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention. On the one hand,
according to
Linking Words
 some, it is the
government
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's responsibility to combat
crime
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 because it has the authority to enact stringent legislation. By strengthening laws and imposing severe penalties on offenders, the
government
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 can effectively deter criminal activity.
For example
Linking Words
, in Singapore, drug-related
crime
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 has decreased significantly
due to
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 the enforcement of capital punishment for drug traffickers.
Furthermore
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, since citizens pay taxes, the
government
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 has a primary role in ensuring public safety. With the tax revenues collected, the
government
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 can install more CCTV cameras on the streets, which will act as a deterrent to potential criminals. Knowing they are under constant surveillance will make people think twice before breaking the law.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is claimed, the persons bear responsibility for the
crime
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. One reason is that law enforcement
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
That is
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 to say, the enforcement or
government
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 can’t be present or able to intervene
immediate
Change the adjective
immediately
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a day
crime
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 rate is about
to happen
Verb problem
apply
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in different places at the same time. It’s not possible for the police to
present
Add a missing verb
be present
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 everywhere. Another reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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personal factors.
Therefore
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, everyone should be more secretive about their passwords to avoid social
crime
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, should change
Correct pronoun usage
their password
show examples
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
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 frequently and don’t create
Add an article
a password
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password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
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 to close
of
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apply
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their personal details.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 people may vary in their opinions I think
state
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the state
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 should
conscientious
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be conscientious
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for
Change preposition
about
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 conservation.

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some points are not fully developed or lack sufficient detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the situation in Singapore, add weight to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Crime prevention
  • Government responsibility
  • Public safety
  • Law enforcement
  • Community vigilance
  • Self-protection
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Personal safety measures
  • Security infrastructure
  • Self-defense tools
  • Community-based initiatives
  • Shared responsibility
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