IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#men #woman #care #appearance
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In
recent
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the recent
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 era,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 paying attention to their
appearance
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
what
Correct word choice
of what
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 they did in the past days.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
appearance
Use synonyms
taking
Wrong verb form
takes
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important
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an important
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 role in people's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, especially when someone has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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worked
Wrong verb form
working
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, some jobs
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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appearance
Use synonyms
 to face their stakeholders. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because when people want to
interract
Correct your spelling
interact
 with us, the first thing that they see is our
appearance
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
men
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 have never faced the same criticism as women before recent times. Even fifty years ago, almost none would say anything about
men
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 having wrinkles or being slightly obese. Unlike nowadays,
men
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have begun to think more about their looks, they have started to work out more to be in shape, and they
also
Linking Words
 have begun doing plastic surgeries and going to the barbers. I wouldn’t necessarily say that now it is better than it was before because it
also
Linking Words
 has some downsides.
For example
Linking Words
, toxic masculine
men
Use synonyms
 are usually the ones who will try to offend
men
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 who try to change their looks, do nails, change their hairstyle, or wear “women” type clothes. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the problem lies deep in our social norms and standards, which are slowly moving towards gender naturality and accepting yourself, and hopefully, in the future, no one will be ashamed to be themselves. To sum it up, there is definitely a trend for
men
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 and women, where they are trying to look better and care more about their
appearance
Use synonyms
 than in previous times.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next. Using linking phrases can help with transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your ideas clearer. For example, give specific contexts where appearance plays a crucial role in modern life or give concrete examples of social norms affecting appearance.
task achievement
Spend time refining your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your position and summarize your key points effectively. This can help to achieve a higher score for task response and coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the male and female perspectives on appearance, offering a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to include a conclusion, summarizing your perspective effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • beauty and personal care industry
  • societal norms
  • health and fitness
  • celebrity culture
  • technology advancements
  • cosmetic surgery
  • dermatology treatments
  • mental health awareness
  • self-esteem
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