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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
#town #garlsdon #supermarket #two #sites
The illustrated map shows the two possible sites in Garlsdon for a new supermarket with
population
Add an article
a population
show examples
 of sixty-five
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 people.
Overall
, it is evident that the future design is considering two distinct areas. The first site is located in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
while
 the second one opted for the town centre area without
traffic
Correct article usage
a traffic
show examples
 zone. The first location
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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 the countryside in the northwest of the town centre.
This
 area
12
Add a missing verb
is 12
show examples
 km
far
Rephrase
away
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 from Branston and Hindon
place
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 population is ten
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
Nonetheless
,
this
 opted located between
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 and
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 road.
However
 Hindon
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 far from
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
 area. The second location showed the centre of Garlsdon city.The store is expected to stay in a traffic place with no traffic zone,
thus
 it cannot be accessible from
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 road.
However
,the railway will run across the option.
Therefore
, it
is still has
Change the verb form
still has
show examples
 convenient access for the local communities.Cransdon
25
Add a missing verb
is 25
show examples
km
far
Rephrase
away
show examples
 from Hindon with
Correct article usage
a twenty
show examples
twenty nine
Add a hyphen
twenty-nine
show examples
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 population.
Thus
,it will be accessible to everyone.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, thus".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Congestion
  • Economic benefits
  • Environmental impact
  • Foot traffic
  • Green space
  • Job creation
  • Local property values
  • Parking availability
  • Pollution
  • Proximity
  • Public transportation
  • Sustainability
  • Traffic patterns
  • Residential areas
  • Shopping convenience
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