Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, it has become increasingly common that many graduates from high school prefer working or travelling to only staying at home.
However
, some people hold the view that working experience
is more useful and precious than travel. Personally, I tend to disagree with this
view.
One main reason in favour of my opinion is that travelling is a great method to improve one's comprehensive abilities, which are valuable in adult life. Before a tour, many factors, including transport, housing, food and so on, need to be taken into consideration and sometimes a traveller should change the tourist attractions due to
the change in weather or some accidents. This
can significantly improve a person's problem-solving ability and thus
traveling is not easier than working.
In addition
, teenagers in high school often spend the majority of their time committing to studying and increasing their academic performance under heavy peer pressure, with disregard for their physical exercise. As a result
, depression and obesity are more obvious than their counterparts in the past. Thus
, taking a trip is a good way to contribute to their physical and mental health because of its features of easiness and joyfulness.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that accumulating some working experience
is also
beneficial to adolescents. The workplace is rather different from school, where they can not only master some practical skills, such
as programming and gardening,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
experience
the working atmosphere. These can direct their future job choice to some extent and, in the process they can recognise their own limitation and have a clear objective when they go to university.
In conclusion, I argue that both working and travelling exert unique and profound effects on young adults, improving their well-being and various skills. Thus
, I advise that they can take full advantage of and properly arrange the time before going to university to try to experience
both.Submitted by 1378468145 on
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task response
Clarify your main arguments more explicitly in the introduction to clearly outline your essay structure for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea, and avoid including ideas that could be elaborated in separate paragraphs.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all points made in the essay are directly relevant to the essay question and do not stray from the topic.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view and acknowledges both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are presented in a logical order, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
task response
The essay addresses the task requirements by discussing both working and travelling experiences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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