Topic: Some people believe that history should be taught to children at school. Others however, believe that there are other subjects that are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent times, some think that historical subjects should be taught to students at school.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
argue that they should be educated in other related
skills
to serve their daily practices. In my opinion, I personally agree with the viewpoint that
children
should learn about other relevant
skills
instead
of
history
in their classes. Those feel that
history
class should be replaced by the relevance of other subjects.
History
contains the facts and conditions
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
a certain time, where young generations can obtain that knowledge to protect themselves from several risks.
For example
, the Asian economic crisis in the
last
few decades,
also
known as the Tom Yung Kung crisis,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had a significant impact on
southeast
Capitalize word
Southeast
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countries. Especially Thailand's economy,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had been increasing debts and decreasing national currency, which had a huge negative impact on investors
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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local banks.
Hence
, people can have a comprehensive understanding by learning about
history
and the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
trends in advance.
However
, I would argue that
children
should learn about other subjects,
such
as information
technology
. When they learn about
technology
, they can understand how to use a web browser to do their research projects
,
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apply
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and create
powerpoint
Correct your spelling
PowerPoint
for their presentation. These are really useful
skills
that students, not only use in their high school classes,
perhaps
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but perhaps
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will
also
be valuable in their university classes. Because in university life, they will use
technology
in almost every class.
As a result
, students have more
familiars
Correct your spelling
families
show examples
to do things fast. In conclusion,
while
it is true that
history
offers a variety of useful lessons to
children
. I would argue that all
children
should learn about relevant
skills
,
such
as information
technology
as it is a valuable source of knowledge.
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task achievement
Consider addressing the opposing viewpoint on why history is important more clearly in the body of your essay. While you do mention the Asian economic crisis as an example, it would be beneficial to develop this point further and explain how such knowledge can be practically applied.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a stronger conclusion by summarizing your key arguments more clearly and succinctly. This will leave the reader with a firm understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have effectively provided examples to support your arguments, such as the impact of the Asian economic crisis and the utility of technology in education. This makes your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and smooth transitions between ideas.

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