Topic: Some people believe that history should be taught to children at school. Others however, believe that there are other subjects that are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent times, some think that historical subjects should be taught to students at school.
While others
argue that they should be educated in other related Correct word choice
Others
skills
to serve their daily practices. In my opinion, I personally agree with the viewpoint that children
should learn about other relevant skills
instead
of history
in their classes.
Those feel that history
class should be replaced by the relevance of other subjects. History
contains the facts and conditions in
a certain time, where young generations can obtain that knowledge to protect themselves from several risks. Change preposition
of
For example
, the Asian economic crisis in the last
few decades, also
known as the Tom Yung Kung crisis, which
had a significant impact on Correct pronoun usage
apply
southeast
countries. Especially Thailand's economy, Capitalize word
Southeast
it
had been increasing debts and decreasing national currency, which had a huge negative impact on investors Correct pronoun usage
apply
particularly
local banks. Add the comma(s)
, particularly
Hence
, people can have a comprehensive understanding by learning about history
and the changes of
trends in advance.
Change preposition
in
However
, I would argue that children
should learn about other subjects, such
as information technology
. When they learn about technology
, they can understand how to use a web browser to do their research projects,
and create Remove the comma
apply
powerpoint
for their presentation. These are really useful Correct your spelling
PowerPoint
skills
that students, not only use in their high school classes, perhaps
Correct word choice
but perhaps
it
will Correct pronoun usage
they
also
be valuable in their university classes. Because in university life, they will use technology
in almost every class. As a result
, students have more familiars
to do things fast.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
families
while
it is true that history
offers a variety of useful lessons to children
. I would argue that all children
should learn about relevant skills
, such
as information technology
as it is a valuable source of knowledge.Submitted by Date
on
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task achievement
Consider addressing the opposing viewpoint on why history is important more clearly in the body of your essay. While you do mention the Asian economic crisis as an example, it would be beneficial to develop this point further and explain how such knowledge can be practically applied.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a stronger conclusion by summarizing your key arguments more clearly and succinctly. This will leave the reader with a firm understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have effectively provided examples to support your arguments, such as the impact of the Asian economic crisis and the utility of technology in education. This makes your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and smooth transitions between ideas.