IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of people who
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
 in five years end of year1994
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male and female.
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the line chart shows
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for arrest in seven items
.
Correct your spelling
Overall
overall
, it can be seen that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 bigger than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 arrestion,and public drinking for female was the biggest figure.
To begin
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was higher than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 it was 32 per
cent
 ,
while
 female was 9 per
cent
.
In contrast
,not arrest of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
occupy 91
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
however
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 occupy just 68
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. It is interesting to note that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public drinking was the most
reason
Correct word choice
common reason
show examples
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 approximately 39 per
cent
.
whereas
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 has around 31
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
then
 , assault
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 18 per
cent
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
and 16 per
cent
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
Moreover
,people who
drink
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
diving of males were more than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.male, was around 26 per
cent
 ,
while
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
around 14 per
cent
 .
Submitted by almeem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!