IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of people who
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
 in five years end of year1994
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male and female.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the line chart shows
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for arrest in seven items
.
Correct your spelling
Overall
overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 bigger than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 arrestion,and public drinking for female was the biggest figure.
To begin
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was higher than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 it was 32 per
cent
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 female was 9 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,not arrest of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
occupy 91
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
however
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 occupy just 68
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. It is interesting to note that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public drinking was the most
reason
Correct word choice
common reason
show examples
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 approximately 39 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
whereas
Linking Words
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 has around 31
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
then
Linking Words
 , assault
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
and 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,people who
drink
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
diving of males were more than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.male, was around 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
around 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by almeem on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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