IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information. You should write at least 150 words. а

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This
 line graph illustrates the amount of females in four governments, who were hired from 1985
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2005. Units are
mesured
Correct your spelling
measured
 in percentage.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that in two countries were gradually increasing over the given
period
.
However
, the USA
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significantly
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
last
 five years, from 2000 to 2005.
Also
 at the start of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
, France quickly decreased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. With regards to amount of Afganistan’s working ladies, from 1985 it began
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
sharply fall.
Furthermore
, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 working females dramatically came to 0
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
percent
.
Likewise
, french women
employing
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
 at first went down significantly
for
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to
show examples
 10
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
percent
, but after 1990
considerable
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considerably
show examples
 rose to almost
fifty
Correct your spelling
50
percent
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per cent
show examples
. In 1985 the highest percentage of employed was the USA and it was
nuchanged
Correct your spelling
unchanged
 for over
period
 shown. As like Korea, it was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place and still had it.
However
, for over
this
period
 of gradually increasing, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 some downs too. It was reached a peak in 2000, after started falling. Korea had really good stability
of
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in
show examples
 making upward
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of women employed
  • employment trends
  • notable changes
  • significant increases and decreases
  • periods of stability
  • specific years and percentages
  • overall trend
  • compare and contrast
  • similarities and differences
  • throughout the period
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