IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative effect on evironment, eating habit and families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The negative impacts of fast
foods
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include
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on the
environment
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, eating habits and families have largely been associated with the fast
food
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industry
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. He has fairly good points here to some extent I agree with these claims because the
industry
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 plays an important role in these areas.
First,
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it is necessary to look at the effects of the fast
food
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industry
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 on the
environment
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. Beef is utilized in most fast
foods
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, and its production entails the use of lots of water and extensive acreage, leading to deforestation and the release of greenhouse gases.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 packaging creates a large amount of waste and causes pollution since it is usually non-biodegradable. They lead to massive environmental pollution and clearly indicate that
this
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industry
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 is devastating our
environment
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.
Secondly
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, the fast
food
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industry
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 has brought a significant change in
the
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dietary practices
especially
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, especially
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 in the aspects of health. Fast
food
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 is characterized by its high contents of calories, fats, sugars, and sodium, which partially explains the growing rates of obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases. These factors include readily available and cheap fast
foods
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 which in a way replace the healthy meals we get at home. It has especially created a culture among the youth, where they cultivate destructive
food
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 behaviors that may follow them to adulthood.
In addition
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, the fast
food
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industry
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 impacts
conceptualisation
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the conceptualisation
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 of family.
It is clear that
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 fast
foods
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 have become easily available for consumption and
this
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 has greatly affected
the
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family mealtimes which are important in
been
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being
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 used for fellowship. Research done on the effects of regular family meals indicates that they benefit students’ emotional health and academic achievement.
However
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, people are more occupied with work and have easy access to junk and fast
foods
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 making the meal together a rare occasion
thus
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 negating all the social and emotionally connecting aspects of the family. In conclusion, the fast
food
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industry
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 has a detrimental impact on the
environment
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,
attitude
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attitudes
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 toward
food
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 consumption, and families. As much as it is convenient and inexpensive, these are illusionary and non-compensated by the negative impacts the system has on our
environment
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, health and society.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a broad overview, make sure to avoid repetition and clarify related points in greater detail. For instance, elaborating more on specific examples and statistics can provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression and coherence between paragraphs. Linking phrases or transition words can help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction to clearly state your position on the topic and what your essay intends to cover. A well-defined statement early on sets the tone for the entire response. Additionally, correcting minor grammatical inconsistencies can further enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers multiple aspects of the issue, showing a well-rounded understanding.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrate the ability to provide a structured argument with a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to substantiate the claims about the negative effects of the fast food industry.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental degradation
  • Carbon footprint
  • Supply chain processes
  • Livestock farming
  • Eating patterns
  • High-calorie, low-nutrient meals
  • Obesity
  • Familial bonds
  • Advertising
  • Fostering a culture
  • Long-term health implications
  • Affordability
  • Accessibility
  • Efficient service
  • Economic growth
  • Employment opportunities
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