The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?

#people’s #life #expectancy #work #retirement #alternative #people #age #development

Besides

working until an older

age

in order to pay for their retirement, there is an alternative which is starting to

work

at a younger time.

This

essay will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of

this

viewpoint and my perspective will be illustrated in the conclusion. On the one hand, it is obvious that there are consequences when decreasing the lowest limit of working

age

Firstly

, they may not be mature enough both physically and mentally. A good example is forensics, a job that requires people who apply

this

job is mentally and physically tough.

Secondly

along with

their maturity, they may

also

not receive enough structured education for their jobs and to protect themselves.

For example

, they may not fully understand and know their rights and the laws that protect them when they get a job.

On the other hand

, there is no doubt that

this

alternative will have some positive impacts. The foremost is that they can financially support their families or satisfy their retirement needs sooner.

Furthermore

, the younger

age

they

work

, the more energized they are,

therefore

, providing better performance at workplaces.

Finally

, with a younger

work

age

, they can contact society sooner.

As a result

, they receive more social experiences than people who

work

since the normal

work

age

. In conclusion,

although

there are negative impacts

such

as not being mature enough for some specialties and not receiving full education, the advantages of

this

alternative including satisfying financial needs sooner, better performance, and gaining more life experiences outweigh its consequences.

Submitted by cathyngo1512 on Wed Jul 17 2024

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task achievement

Your ideas are clear and the essay is well-organized, but some points could be expanded for more depth. Providing more elaborate examples and specific details would enhance your arguments.

coherence cohesion

There are minor grammatical mistakes, such as: 'a job that requires people who apply this job is mentally and physically tough.' You may say 'a job that requires applicants to be mentally and physically tough.' Improving grammatical accuracy will make your essay more polished.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main argument easily.

task achievement

The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of starting to work at a younger age with reasonable points.

coherence cohesion

The transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth, making the essay quite cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The practice of illegally hunting wild animals continues to cause concern in many countries, particularly developing countries. What are the causes of such hunting? What are the effects on the animals, and on the wider human society in these countries and beyond?

In modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with other people through internet. But others against it. Do you think this is positive trend or negative trend.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Working from Home vs. Working from the Office

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?