IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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developed
Wrong verb form
developing
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 fast
in
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apply
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these days,
people
needs
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need
show examples
 to consider 'What is the most critical purpose of
science
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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?'. Without understanding and thinking seriously about
this
 problem, scientists can make dangerous and
non-ethical
Correct your spelling
unethical
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technology
 easily. Globally, public world
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
such
 as
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
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 make a guideline for
alerting
Verb problem
addressing
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this
 problem and
in
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apply
show examples
the
guideline
Fix the agreement mistake
guidelines
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,
it specifies
Wrong verb form
specify
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 the aim of
science
. And it shows
science
 exists to improve
people
's lives. Human is the owner of
this
 earth and
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 agent of creating
this
 world. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,
people
has
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have
show examples
 to make
a
Remove the article
apply
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development in a way that
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 quality of their lives higher than before. A few years ago, engineers worked hard
into making
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to make
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 AI
technology
 elaborate because humans have a demand not to do repetitive and simple
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
As a result
, now, AI surely did lots of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
instead
 of us.
However
, there is an important point that
people
 need to remember and keep in their mind
while
 they put so much effort
in
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into
show examples
 developing
technology
. They need to set the proper standard line that
human
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humans
show examples
 must not obey.
For example
,
that
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apply
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certain
technology
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technologies
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 must not destroy
environment
Add an article
the environment
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, like making
a
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apply
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global warming more
severely
Change the word
severe
show examples
. And that
technology
 must not lead a result that
people
do
Correct your spelling
to
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 immoral
action
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actions
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the speed of
Artifical
Correct your spelling
Artificial
 Intelligence growth is so fast and AI can deprive our unique ability, if we don't make any
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 for it. In conclusion, making
people
's lives
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 high quality is the main purpose of developing
science
, but we need to keep doing it
with
Change preposition
by
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 alerting the result when we don't consider ethical,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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task achievement
Clarify your argument in the introduction. Currently, your introduction is a bit confusing, and it would be beneficial to state your stance more clearly. For instance, you could say explicitly whether you agree or disagree with the statement that the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs. Consider using more transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly. This can help in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples. While you mention AI, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into specific instances where AI has directly improved people's lives or posed ethical concerns.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in wrapping up the argument neatly.
task achievement
You have grasped the essence of the topic and made a reasonable effort to answer the question by discussing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of scientific advancements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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