IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society?

#students #world #study #science #subjects #university #impact #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, fewer
students
Use synonyms
 all across the world opt to study
science
Use synonyms
 at the university.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the justification for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon,
as well as
Linking Words
 how it will affect society. Many
students
Use synonyms
 find
science
Use synonyms
-related subjects,
such
Linking Words
 as medicine and computer
science
Use synonyms
 to be harder than their social
science
Use synonyms
 counterparts. Not only do
students
Use synonyms
 have to learn a lot of complicated theories, they are obligated to participate in lab experiments as a part of the curriculum.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a large number of
students
Use synonyms
 in Bandung Institute of Technology every year, who withdraw from their studies because they cannot adapt to the academic intensity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a lack of appreciation for
scientists
Use synonyms
 when it comes to salaries. Compared to corporate lawyers and managers, many
scientists
Use synonyms
 get paid way less, which is ironic considering their prestigious educational background.
This
Linking Words
 become a huge issue as everything requires money these days.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, job opportunities in the
science
Use synonyms
 field are limited,
consequently
Linking Words
, it becomes even more competitive for job seekers.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be crucial, especially in developing countries. The lack of
scientists
Use synonyms
 implies research progress and technological advancement are hindered and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, the development of the country as a whole would be slowed down.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the lower interest rate for
science
Use synonyms
 studies is caused by the pressure of the learning system itself and salaries that don't match the qualifications required
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
scientists
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by fadhlannaufaall on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to enrich the response. While your essay touches on the reasons and impacts, it lacks specific illustrations that could bolster your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Strive to use a wider variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to link ideas more fluently. This will enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction fully paraphrases the question and clearly sets out the structure of your essay. Your conclusion should summarize your main points effectively, which you've done quite well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: