IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

tell us about a day where you went out and had fun

#fun
A day out On a tedious Saturday
afternoon
Add a comma
afternoon,
show examples
 I felt the need to go out and do something because it is the day I get bored the most.
Furthermore
, I sent a message on the group chat to see who would be able to go out today, unfortunately, two of my friends were out of town and the others were busy with family
engagement
Fix the agreement mistake
engagements
show examples
 I had to do something about
this
!
Moreover
, I decided to go out and watch a movie by myself and I did not regret it! I enjoyed the movie very much and had a blast even though I went alone. All of
this
 to see it is important to be able to have fun alone if you are able to have fun alone you're gonna have more fun around other people! As my mother always told me only boring people get bored.
Submitted by ah.000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider a more engaging introduction to capture the reader's attention right from the start. For instance, you could start with a more vivid description of your boredom or excitement about potentially going out.
task achievement
Expand your main points with additional details. For example, describe the movie you watched, why you chose it, and your reactions to specific scenes. This will make your experience more relatable and vivid.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs. Rather than using 'Furthermore' and 'Moreover' too frequently, try to vary your transition phrases to improve the flow of your narrative.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion. You could summarize your experience and reflect on what you learned in a bit more detail to give a sense of closure to your narrative.
task achievement
Your essay communicates a clear and personal experience, which makes it engaging to read.
task achievement
The conclusion about being able to have fun alone is a valuable personal insight and adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: