Some people think that goverment is responsilbe for crime prevention. Others think that individuals are responsible to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Although
some argue that the government
ought to be accountable for reducing crime
, others say that it is the duty of individuals to safeguard themselves. In my opinion, I consider that the state
plays a significant role in preventing crime
from happening.
On the one hand, according to
some
the Add a comma
some,
government
should be responsible for deterring crime
because the state
has the power to implement strict laws, and I agree. In other words
, each country has their legislation and according
them, they usually have authorized agencies which can be regulators. Add the preposition
according to
For example
, Kyrgyzstan has agency
, which is given responsibilities to ensure public Correct article usage
an agency
safety
. Furthermore
, people
pay taxes to the government
, whereas
people
have to be provided security. To illustrate, a state
receives money from taxpayers but it is not responsible for organize
work Wrong verb form
organising
upon stopping
Change preposition
to stop
crime
in the social
. Replace the word
society
As a result
, it can lead people
to resentment.
On the other hand
, some people
claim that everyone is responsible to protect
themselves since by taking accountability for their own Change preposition
for protecting
safety
, individuals could have opportunity
to be always vigilant. To put it simply, Correct article usage
the opportunity
whatever it
no one Correct pronoun usage
apply
cannot
safeguard persons better Rephrase
can
then
except Correct your spelling
than
as
themselves. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, if persons going to disadvantaged area
, they ought to take something Fix the agreement mistake
areas
such
as pepper spray or stun
gun. Another reason is resource limited, which means that special Correct article usage
a stun
state
services is
not permanently available everywhere and always. So, Change the verb form
are
while
they Correct word choice
when
will
arrive Verb problem
apply
to
Change preposition
at
destination
it may be late. Correct pronoun usage
their destination
Thus
, the best way of
safeguard themselves is Change preposition
to
avoiding
dangerous areas or have self-protecting things.
Change the verb form
to avoid
To sum up
, while
people
may vary in their opinions, I think whatever it but
Correct word choice
apply
it
is for public Correct pronoun usage
apply
safety
from crime
the government
have to protect since safety
Correct article usage
the safety
everyone
and Change preposition
of everyone
general
nation is the highest value Add an article
the general
of
right of Change preposition
apply
human
.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Submitted by s_syedy on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more transitional phrases and conjunctions. This will help to better connect your ideas and make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Try to use synonyms and varied structures to make your essay more engaging and less monotonous.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to back up your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structures. Avoid long and complicated sentences as they can be confusing. Aim to make your sentences clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which sets up the essay well.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes your points and reaffirms your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides reasons and examples for each, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the issue.