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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
#people #states #time
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The given line chart compares data about the number of old people who lived in the USA who spent their spare time on 5 different items from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
, all of
categories
Add an article
the categories
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 except hiking
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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have wave trends, all of them increased.
According to
Linking Words
 the plot, in 1980 most of the fact that elderly inhabitants who lived in the United
Stated
Correct your spelling
States
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 preferred spending time watching TV;
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure reached a peak in the 2000s at 70%;
however
Linking Words
, decreased to 65% in 2010. Theatre, which is the second
one
Use synonyms
, started at 50% after that touched the minimum at 30% in the 1990s, yet
this
Linking Words
 motivation climbed slightly to 45%. Reading, the third
one
Use synonyms
, rapidly fluctuated because at the beginning it was 30%;
then
Linking Words
 in 2000, it reached the lowest point at 20%;
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 line went up enormously to 60%. The diagram demonstrates the fourth
one
Use synonyms
 was hiking
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had a drastic increase from 20% to 80%, ranking first in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 was surfing the Internet which grew
significant
Change the word
significantly
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 direction at the start was 5%,
whereas
Linking Words
,
finally
Linking Words
, the proportion hit 50%.
Submitted by xeyojnn on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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