While some people believe that children need pressure from parents to develop, others disagree by agruing that parental pressure is unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
overall
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the overall
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development of a child is essential and
required
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requires
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lots of
efforts
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effort
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. To achieve
this
many
parents
believe that they need to put
pressure
on their
children
,
However
, other people disagree and opine that it can be achieved without any
pressure
as well.
This
essay will
eleborate
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elaborate
both
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on both
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the
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apply
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views and provide my opinion as well. On the one hand, Putting
pressure
on
children
may provide the results but
this
method is highly risky. Sometimes It has been seen that people become too harsh on their kids for getting good marks in study
but
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apply
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resulting
with
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in
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negativity and unexpected
incident
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incidents
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. Though many
children
handle
this
pressure
to an extent
but
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apply
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sometimes it has been seen that students kill
themseleves
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themselves
after not
fullfilling
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fulfilling
their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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expectations.
For example
,
a recent news
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recent news
a piece of recent news
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from Punjab, where a student hanged
himseleve
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himself
because he was not able to clear
IIT
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the IIT
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Entrance exam.
Thus
this
scenerio
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scenario
may provide you
the
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with the
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results but it is a
higly
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highly
risky technique.
On the other hand
,
children
can be grown well using motivation and guidance. Many
parents
thesedays
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these days
,
following
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follow
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this
pattern
and
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apply
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guiding
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guide
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correct
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the correct
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way of living and
motivating
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motivate
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them
with
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in
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the right direction.
For instance
,
a
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apply
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recent data
of
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from
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a school study shows that
parents
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parents'
parent's
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appriciation
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appreciation
on
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of
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good
habbits
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habits
and achievements helps
children
to grow better
therefore
schools now
having
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have
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more
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a more
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practicle
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practical
practice
approach.
Additionally
, confidence builds up when a child is appreciated and they understand the difference between right or wrong when
guilded
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guided
properly and calmly.
To conclude
, I would like to assert that, it is proven that when
parents
puts
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put
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excessive
pressure
to
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on
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their
children
resulting in horrible output,
however
In
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, In
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my opinion, better results
has
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have
show examples
been seen when
children
Add a missing verb
are guilded
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guilded
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guided
and motivated in a proper manner.
Submitted by hiteshpaul on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition of words and phrases. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a broader command of English.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to reduce small errors that can take away from the clarity of your ideas. For instance, 'thesedays' should be 'these days', 'appreciation' should be 'appreciating', and 'appriciation' should be 'appreciation'.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced discussion with a clear stance. In this essay, the arguments against pressuring children were more detailed compared to those in favor. Strive for a more even discussion and make your opinion explicit earlier in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states that you will discuss both views and provide your opinion, which sets up the essay well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the recent news from Punjab and the school study data. This helps in making your arguments more concrete.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, which helps to bring closure to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic motivation
  • self-identity
  • psychological well-being
  • academic performance
  • essential skills
  • self-discipline
  • negative consequences
  • intrinsic motivation
  • creativity
  • independent thinking
  • love for learning
  • external expectations
  • sustainable success
  • balance between guidance and pressure
  • autonomy
  • parents' wisdom and experience
  • sense of independence and responsibility
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