While some people believe that children need pressure from parents to develop, others disagree by agruing that parental pressure is unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
development of a child is essential and
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
lots of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. To achieve
this
many
parents
believe that they need to put
pressure
on their
children
,
However
, other people disagree and opine that it can be achieved without any
pressure
as well.
This
essay will
eleborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and provide my opinion as well. On the one hand, Putting
pressure
on
children
may provide the results but
this
method is highly risky. Sometimes It has been seen that people become too harsh on their kids for getting good marks in study
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
resulting
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
negativity and unexpected
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
. Though many
children
handle
this
pressure
to an extent
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
sometimes it has been seen that students kill
themseleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
after not
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
expectations.
For example
,
a recent news
Remove the article
recent news
a piece of recent news
show examples
from Punjab, where a student hanged
himseleve
Correct your spelling
himself
because he was not able to clear
IIT
Correct article usage
the IIT
show examples
Entrance exam.
Thus
this
scenerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
may provide you
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
results but it is a
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
risky technique.
On the other hand
,
children
can be grown well using motivation and guidance. Many
parents
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
,
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
this
pattern
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
guiding
Wrong verb form
guide
show examples
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
way of living and
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
them
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the right direction.
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent data
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
a school study shows that
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
appriciation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
good
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
and achievements helps
children
to grow better
therefore
schools now
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
practicle
Correct your spelling
practical
practice
approach.
Additionally
, confidence builds up when a child is appreciated and they understand the difference between right or wrong when
guilded
Correct your spelling
guided
properly and calmly.
To conclude
, I would like to assert that, it is proven that when
parents
puts
Change the verb form
put
show examples
excessive
pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
children
resulting in horrible output,
however
In
Add the comma(s)
, In
show examples
my opinion, better results
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been seen when
children
Add a missing verb
are guilded
show examples
guilded
Correct your spelling
guided
and motivated in a proper manner.
Submitted by hiteshpaul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition of words and phrases. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a broader command of English.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to reduce small errors that can take away from the clarity of your ideas. For instance, 'thesedays' should be 'these days', 'appreciation' should be 'appreciating', and 'appriciation' should be 'appreciation'.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced discussion with a clear stance. In this essay, the arguments against pressuring children were more detailed compared to those in favor. Strive for a more even discussion and make your opinion explicit earlier in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states that you will discuss both views and provide your opinion, which sets up the essay well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the recent news from Punjab and the school study data. This helps in making your arguments more concrete.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, which helps to bring closure to your essay.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic motivation
  • self-identity
  • psychological well-being
  • academic performance
  • essential skills
  • self-discipline
  • negative consequences
  • intrinsic motivation
  • creativity
  • independent thinking
  • love for learning
  • external expectations
  • sustainable success
  • balance between guidance and pressure
  • autonomy
  • parents' wisdom and experience
  • sense of independence and responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!