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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days’ people in some countries are living in a “throw-away” society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. What are the causes of this problem? What are the solutions?

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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
in particular
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 areas live as consumerism which means they just utilize it for a little
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and discard it. In the following paragraphs, the reasons behind
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 attitude will be explained, and the solutions will be discussed in detail.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, there are several factors that contribute to throwing away. One of the main contributory factors might be laziness and availability of goods.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, These days there are a lot of products for any taste at any time, which means humans have too many choices.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 industry affects
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts

It seems that the verb attract does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 them to try their products and buy some goods for more convenience,
Such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as the kind of fast foods and takeaway restaurants that produce meals in a short time. Another contributory factor can be overdependence on technology. To elaborate, desiring to have high-tech devices. Technology has become a fundamental part of our lives, allowing us to live comfortably.
But
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
It causes
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to become addicted to technology, which leads to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 desire
frequently
Change preposition
for frequently

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 updated gadgets.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 several actions can be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 issue. One practical solution is to pay attention to the hidden cost of each purchase.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, too often, when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 buy something, they only look at sticker prices. But
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is rarely the full cost. Every purchase always has other costs, it requires time and energy.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they have to care for their well-being and health. Another effective measure is to look more at their motivations, it means advertisers try to show their product more appeal and do not tell the truth. In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are still addicted to buying something unnecessarily, so they should change their attitude about themselves and the world.

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task achievement
Overall, your essay addresses the topic effectively, providing reasons and solutions related to a 'throw-away' society. However, work more on providing specific examples that are relevant and strengthen your points. Personal anecdotes, real-life examples, or statistics could help make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using appropriate linking words can help improve the flow of your essay. While your body paragraphs are generally clear, some sentences feel slightly disconnected; ensuring a logical flow of ideas will help improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion on the topic. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both parts of the question, discussing the causes and providing possible solutions to the problem of a 'throw-away' society.
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