At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
"In the contemporary era, with the evolving social landscape, the
number
of young adults
is greatly surpassing the number
of elderly people
in some countries
. Therefore
, the question of whether this
is a positive trend
has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective, I believe that this
phenomenon brings about more benefits than downsides.
There are some indicators that show this
trend
can drive a country
's progress and innovation. Firstly
, many young adults
live in countries
that provide a wide range of job opportunities. For instance
, Silicon Valley is known for its advancement in the technological industry and has a high demand for related talents; therefore
, these young people
with relevant skills can improve this
crucial industry. It not only generates substantial revenue but also
fuels the enhancement of infrastructure, such
as public transportation and health systems.
Even more importantly, the influx of young adults
leads to creating an energetic and lively atmosphere in countries
. They can demonstrate a variety of creativity and high levels of productivity, both of which are essential components for countries
. For instance
, many young people
are influencers or YouTubers who can use their platforms to raise their country
's profile by posting on social media or making short films. These actions can catch the attention of netizens, contributing to an increase in the number
of tourists, which in turn brings about more benefits for the country
.
However
, it is undeniable that while
this
trend
causes certain concerning issues, making it harder for older people
to blend into society, this
situation can be mitigated. In today’s digital age, easy access to a wide range of information and news diminishes the gap between older people
and young adults
, allowing them to have better connections.
In conclusion, while
this
trend
may pose some problems, there are approaches to alleviate them. Therefore
, I believe that the rise in the number
of young people
in a country
contributes to enormous advantages, such
as progress, innovation, and the improvement of public facilities, all of which are evident in its
benefits outweighing drawbacks.Correct pronoun usage
their
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relevant specific examples
The essay could benefit from a wider range of specific examples to support the main points. Try to include more detailed and varied examples to strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Although the ideas are clearly presented, ensuring that each main idea is thoroughly developed with supporting details and examples can enhance the comprehensiveness of your arguments.
logical structure
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct point, contributing to a coherent and cohesive structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion aptly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the overall argument.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both the advantages and the potential disadvantages of the trend, concluding with a well-reasoned opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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