IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of
energy
Use synonyms
 utilised by a standard household in Australia,
while
Linking Words
 the second chart indicates the emission of greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is immediately apparent that
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption is mainly from heating, with cooling expending the least amount of
energy
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, water heating emits the largest proportion of greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
. Heating, which accounts for the highest
energy
Use synonyms
 utilisation in the household, occupies more than two-fifths of the chart. Water heating and other appliances consume 30% and 15% of
energy
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, refrigeration, cooling and lighting only use small amounts of
energy
Use synonyms
, from 2% to 7% each. Turning to greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions, water heating and other appliances discharge the greatest proportion of harmful
gas
Use synonyms
 compared to others, at 32% and 28% respectively. Heating and refrigeration both contribute similar figures of
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions, around 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
, with regard to cooling and lighting, the amount of
gas
Use synonyms
 released is merely less than 10%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution of energy usage
  • variations in climate
  • substantial use of household energy
  • year-round access
  • energy-efficient lighting solutions
  • seasonal variations
  • geographic location
  • resulting greenhouse gas emissions
  • energy sources
  • cleaner energy sources
  • energy-efficient systems
  • modern, energy-efficient technologies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: