Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for childern development while other think that it is crucial for childern if they go to the school. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
children
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can access educational knowledge from anywhere and anytime since
internet
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the internet
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has become one of the essential sources and some families
has
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have
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a concern
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concern
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concerns
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in
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about
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their child's
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child's
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children's
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learning development.
Althought
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Although
, some folk think that teaching
children
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at
home
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is best for
childern
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children
development,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
believe that it is crucial for
childern
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children
if they go to the
school
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. In
this
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essay, both views will be discussed
also
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my perspective will be provided. Some families understand
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the circumstance
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circumstance
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circumstances
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of
individual's
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an individual's
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learning
that
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and that
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they have different learning
progess
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progress
process
and
interested
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are interested
show examples
in subjects from
other student
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another student
other students
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.
For example
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, some youngsters can understand math quickly
while
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some
children
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cannot even understand the formula of math. For
the
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this
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reason,
home
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study would be a great way for those who
has
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have
show examples
talents or lack of learning progress which can be enforced with individual curriculum.
While
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many parents usually select
private
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a private
the private
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school
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or public
shool
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school
show examples
for their child since it allows them
have
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to have
show examples
time for working.
Moreover
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, most
of
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apply
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parents believe that
children
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should be taught in
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school
scool
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school
as they can gain communication skills.
For instance
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, young people can play with their friends
trough
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through
show examples
team sports and communicate with teachers and
friend
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friends
show examples
in the classes which is important for their development.
Additionally
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, I
also
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believe that not only communication skills in
the
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apply
show examples
school
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that
importance
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important
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but
also
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they will
happy
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be happy
show examples
and
less
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have less
show examples
stress
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stressed
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comparing
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compared
show examples
with
home
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studying.
To sum up
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, even though some people think teaching
children
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at
home
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is the best way for them because
curriculum
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the curriculum
show examples
is designed for
individual
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individuals
show examples
,
school
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is
a
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an
show examples
essential place that allows them
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
communication skills,
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
, and less
stree
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stress
which I totally agree with.

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introduction
The introduction is fairly clear but could be improved by rephrasing and correcting minor grammatical errors. Ensure that the opening clearly sets the context and presents both sides of the argument concisely.
cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs. For example, 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition' can help guide the reader through your arguments.
supporting points
Expand on the main points with more detailed explanations and examples. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling. For example, provide more specific situations where homeschooling benefits certain children and specific instances of skills developed in school.
grammar
Revise and proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve clarity and make your arguments more persuasive.
task response
The essay addresses both viewpoints, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion.
supporting points
Some good points are mentioned for both homeschooling and traditional schooling, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Customized learning experience
  • Tailor the curriculum
  • In-depth understanding
  • Flexible schedule
  • Learning at their own pace
  • Crucial social skills
  • Structured learning
  • Set curriculum
  • Trained teachers
  • Social and emotional development
  • Interaction with peers
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Well-rounded education
  • Diverse talents
  • Holistic growth
What to do next:
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