Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.
Children
are often looking for a little entertainment. In this
modern world
Add a comma
world,
children
spend more time
in
playing Change preposition
apply
computer
games
and less time
in sports. I think this
negative development is because of the new invention of computer
games
that looks more attractive.
After the
Correct article usage
apply
computer
games
have been developed, children
are
often spend Unnecessary verb
apply
time
in
playing video Change preposition
apply
games
which they feel more attractive and addictive too. These virtual games
allow an individual to play with anyone around the world with the help of the internet which makes the children
forget about outdoor games
. For instance
, later the survey says more than 60% of the children
are playing GTA which gives a real-world experience to the player. Playing this
game will
makes an individual more fun and engaging.
Some computer
games
can be educational and help them to develop problem-solving skills that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
resulted
in Wrong verb form
resulting
childern
Correct your spelling
children
started
developing their own educational video Verb problem
apply
games
which also
helped
them develop their knowledge and Wrong verb form
help
computer
skills. There are also
some potential drawbacks to children
spending too much time
on
playing Change preposition
apply
computer
games
. For example
, Sitting in front of a screen for a long time
will result in sleeping problems, and eye problems that will directly affect them in their future life.
In conclusion, there are more negative developments to children
spending more time
playing computer
games
than playing other sports. The key is for parents to be aware of the
these potential risks and help their Remove the article
apply
children
to make a perfect balance to lead a healthy lifeSubmitted by insighttribez on
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task achievement
Make sure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You have identified reasons why children play computer games more than sports but the explanation could be more thorough and diversified.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer and more logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear purpose and should connect smoothly to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensively elaborated. For example, your mentioning of potential drawbacks is good, but expanding on how these drawbacks affect children’s overall development would make your point stronger.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Specific examples lend credibility to your argument and provide a solid grounding for your assertions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is effective and clearly states your position on the topic, providing a good foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position, which is a key aspect of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt at addressing both positive and negative aspects of computer games, providing a balanced view which enhances the quality of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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