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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled tea and pineapples in 2010 and 2015 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table compares the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
tea
Use synonyms
 and pineapples in the countries namely, Austria, France, Netherlands, Norway, and Germany for the years 2010 and 2015. The income was measured in terms of Euros.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the economy of
Correct article usage
the pineapples
show examples
pineapples
Change the noun form
pineapple
show examples
 trade was very high when compared to
tea
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, their
business
Use synonyms
 was reduced in Norway and Germany
whereas
Linking Words
 the beverage
sales
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in all the countries
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 low profits over the period. In the year 2010, Austria was the
highly
Rephrase
most
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profited
Replace the word
profitable
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 country among all in both
sales
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, its income
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
Correct article usage
the fruits
show examples
fruits
Change the noun form
fruit
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 which is 16
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, was four times that
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
tea
Correct article usage
the tea
show examples
 trade.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the incomes of both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trades were similar in the rest of the listed countries. With regards to the year 2015,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 were augmented in all the nations.
In contrast
Linking Words
, pineapple
sales
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in Norway and Germany. The beverage
business
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled in Austria
whereas
Linking Words
 the fruit market
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tripled.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, France was reported with a
tremondous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 hike in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
beverages sale
Fix the agreement mistake
beverage sales
show examples
 to about eight times
whereas
Linking Words
 the pineapple
business
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by about three times.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, tea, business with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sales figures
  • Fairtrade-labelled
  • European countries
  • increase/decrease
  • growth/decline
  • trends
  • significant
  • noteworthy
  • highest/lowest sales
  • figures
  • comparisons
  • time frame
  • consistent growth
  • main trends
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