Some people think that essence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays, education serves various roles in society, spanning social, economic, and personal domains.
Moreover
, it assists in improving every aspect of life i.e
socialisation, and behavioural relation with society . Some say that Correct your spelling
i.e.
this
competition should encourage adults while
others argue that participation is enough to grow their career
.In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view.
In my opinion, competition among the students will exacerbate existing issues of poverty, inadequate healthcare, and insufficient educational opportunities .Fix the agreement mistake
careers
However
, this
trend of pedagogy will lead to chaos among the other children as reaching that level is not concern
for every pupil. Add an article
a concern
the concern
For instance
, my younger brother prepared for the IIT JEE exams
so he could get admission to a particular college. Although
he was a topper in his previous class then
also
he struggled for 3years to crack a vying
Correct the article-noun agreement
vying exams
a vying exam
exams
like the IIT .Therefore
I firmly believe that competitional exams
were decreasing the rate of employment because for everyone it is not a piece of cake to juggle with these specific exams
.Moreover
qualifying for all these exams
needs time and money perhaps contesting all entrance test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
need
another private tuition to be prepared for every competitive paper Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
such
as the NEET exams
for medical entrance .
Conversely
,the educational system encompasses meaningful learning and the development of critical thinking, problem-solving and lifelong learning skills and due to
this
role only brilliant topers
will be engaged in all these competitive Correct your spelling
toppers
exams
for various fields of profession. For example
, youngsters who have an interest in maths and science must have curiosity about that field of subjects and this
sheer pressure will encourage them to achieve their goal in terms of these entrance exams
likewise
for District Magistrate exams
all these challenges will lead to benevolent leaders for our upcoming generation.
In conclusion, although
competition leads to appointing the best examples for others as a remarkable and intelligent student.In addition
, this
trend of examination profound sheer stress among competitors due to
which loss of hope and time leading to heightened levels of unemployment.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task comprehensively. While you have a good start, expanding on the points and providing a balanced discussion for both views will strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Starting your second paragraph by contrasting rather than suddenly bringing in an personal example will help maintain a smooth flow.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with language and grammar. There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that slightly obfuscate your points. Proofreading can help spot these errors.
task achievement
You have a thoughtful introduction which sets the tone for the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You attempted to provide specific examples to support your points, which is key in making your argument relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, making it clear where you stand on the issue.