Some people think that essence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays, education serves various roles in society, spanning social, economic, and personal domains.
Moreover
, it assists in improving every aspect of life
i.e
Correct your spelling
i.e.
socialisation, and behavioural relation with society . Some say that
this
competition should encourage adults
while
others argue that participation is enough to grow their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view. In my opinion, competition among the students will exacerbate existing issues of poverty, inadequate healthcare, and insufficient educational opportunities .
However
,
this
trend of pedagogy will lead to chaos among the other children as reaching that level is not
concern
Add an article
a concern
the concern
show examples
for every pupil.
For instance
, my younger brother prepared for the IIT JEE
exams
so he could get admission to a particular college.
Although
he was a topper in his previous class
then
also
he struggled for 3years to crack
a vying
Correct the article-noun agreement
vying exams
a vying exam
show examples
exams
like the IIT .
Therefore
I firmly believe that competitional
exams
were decreasing the rate of employment because for everyone it is not a piece of cake to juggle with these specific
exams
.
Moreover
qualifying for all these
exams
needs time and money perhaps contesting all entrance
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
another private tuition to be prepared for every competitive paper
such
as the NEET
exams
for medical entrance .
Conversely
,the educational system encompasses meaningful learning and the development of critical thinking, problem-solving and lifelong learning skills and
due to
this
role only brilliant
topers
Correct your spelling
toppers
show examples
will be engaged in all these competitive
exams
for various fields of profession.
For example
, youngsters who have an interest in maths and science must have curiosity about that field of subjects and
this
sheer pressure will encourage them to achieve their goal in terms of these entrance
exams
likewise
for District Magistrate
exams
all these challenges will lead to benevolent leaders for our upcoming generation. In conclusion,
although
competition leads to appointing the best examples for others as a remarkable and intelligent student.
In addition
,
this
trend of examination profound sheer stress among competitors
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which loss of hope and time leading to heightened levels of unemployment.
Submitted by sinjatiwari15 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task comprehensively. While you have a good start, expanding on the points and providing a balanced discussion for both views will strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Starting your second paragraph by contrasting rather than suddenly bringing in an personal example will help maintain a smooth flow.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with language and grammar. There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that slightly obfuscate your points. Proofreading can help spot these errors.
task achievement
You have a thoughtful introduction which sets the tone for the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You attempted to provide specific examples to support your points, which is key in making your argument relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, making it clear where you stand on the issue.

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