Some people think that essence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays, education serves various roles in society, spanning social, economic, and personal domains.

Moreover

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, it assists in improving every aspect of life

i.e

Correct your spelling

i.e.

socialisation, and behavioural relation with society . Some say that

this

Linking Words

competition should encourage adults

while

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others argue that participation is enough to grow their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

.In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view. In my opinion, competition among the students will exacerbate existing issues of poverty, inadequate healthcare, and insufficient educational opportunities .

However

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this

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trend of pedagogy will lead to chaos among the other children as reaching that level is not

concern

Add an article

a concern

the concern

show examples

for every pupil.

For instance

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, my younger brother prepared for the IIT JEE

exams

Use synonyms

so he could get admission to a particular college.

Although

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he was a topper in his previous class

then

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also

Linking Words

he struggled for 3years to crack

a vying

Correct the article-noun agreement

vying exams

a vying exam

show examples

exams

Use synonyms

like the IIT .

Therefore

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I firmly believe that competitional

exams

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were decreasing the rate of employment because for everyone it is not a piece of cake to juggle with these specific

exams

Use synonyms

Moreover

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qualifying for all these

exams

Use synonyms

needs time and money perhaps contesting all entrance

test

Fix the agreement mistake

tests

show examples

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

another private tuition to be prepared for every competitive paper

such

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as the NEET

exams

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for medical entrance .

Conversely

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,the educational system encompasses meaningful learning and the development of critical thinking, problem-solving and lifelong learning skills and

due to

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this

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role only brilliant

topers

Correct your spelling

toppers

show examples

will be engaged in all these competitive

exams

Use synonyms

for various fields of profession.

For example

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, youngsters who have an interest in maths and science must have curiosity about that field of subjects and

this

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sheer pressure will encourage them to achieve their goal in terms of these entrance

exams

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likewise

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for District Magistrate

exams

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all these challenges will lead to benevolent leaders for our upcoming generation. In conclusion,

although

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competition leads to appointing the best examples for others as a remarkable and intelligent student.

In addition

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this

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trend of examination profound sheer stress among competitors

Linking Words

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which loss of hope and time leading to heightened levels of unemployment.

sinjatiwari15

Jul 18, 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task comprehensively. While you have a good start, expanding on the points and providing a balanced discussion for both views will strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Starting your second paragraph by contrasting rather than suddenly bringing in an personal example will help maintain a smooth flow.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with language and grammar. There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that slightly obfuscate your points. Proofreading can help spot these errors.

task achievement

You have a thoughtful introduction which sets the tone for the discussion effectively.

task achievement

You attempted to provide specific examples to support your points, which is key in making your argument relatable and convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, making it clear where you stand on the issue.

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

341 words

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Some people think that essence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more prons to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

In the United Kingdom, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, think that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.