The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.
The percentage of burn weight rose by 20
percent
by recently ten years who many Change the spelling
per cent
majority
of young people. The reason why,Change to a plural noun
majorities
a
lot of influence person demonstrate their thin body and Add a missing verb
is a
has
a bed Correct subject-verb agreement
have
healty
.
Correct your spelling
healthy
Firstly
, many students burn weight that
have thin bodies. Correct word choice
and
For
this
reason that
, they knew it Correct word choice
apply
is
beauty and they influenced many popular individuals by Wrong verb form
was
instagram
or Change the capitalization
Instagram
internats
. For Correct your spelling
Instagram
instense
, if they Correct your spelling
instance
fat
a lot, some Add a missing verb
are fat
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
bullying
fat students. It is just Replace the word
bully
education
Correct article usage
an education
problems
. Fix the agreement mistake
problem
However
, it is influence
health that big terrible problems as beauty.
Wrong verb form
influences
Forthermore
, children Correct your spelling
Furthermore
significant
for their health that Add a missing verb
are significant
consum
healthy foods. Correct your spelling
consume
consuming
On the other hand
, they overweight's
way Change noun form
overweight
was
extremely terrible problems, the reason why they didn't Verb problem
had
ingested
Change the verb form
ingest
it
anything, so they Correct pronoun usage
apply
lose
their power. for Wrong verb form
lost
instence
, Correct your spelling
instance
one
student Correct word choice
if one
to
much burn fat, Replace the word
too
she
Correct word choice
and she
lose
her Immunity.
Change the verb form
loses
inconculsion
, many students Correct your spelling
in conclusion
conclusion
overwight
rate gradually rose Correct your spelling
overweight
overnight
about
20 Change preposition
by about
percents
in ten Fix the agreement mistake
percent
year's times
. Change noun form
years
Although
they want to have thin
Add an article
a thin
body
, they follow Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
popular
thin Add an article
a popular
person
by Fix the agreement mistake
people
sns
. Correct your spelling
sn's
For example
, many children gradually has
Change the verb form
have
a
bad health since to much overweight. Remove the article
apply
Thus
, they knows
that are Change the verb form
know
loves
their bodies.Wrong verb form
love
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task achievement
The introduction needs clarification. The first sentence should accurately describe the trend of increasing rates of overweight children, not 'burn weight.'
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to ensure smoother readability. For example, connecting the impact of social media influence on students with being overweight requires clearer and more logical transitions.
task achievement
Ensure examples clearly illustrate the main points. The example about the student losing her immunity due to being overweight could be clearer or more relevant.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on one main idea supported by relevant details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on language accuracy. Issues with grammar and vocabulary make it difficult to understand some points which affects overall coherence.
task achievement
Understanding the importance of discussing both causes and effects of the issue shows a good grasp of the task requirements.
task achievement
Efforts to provide examples to support points, such as the influence of social media, are noted, even if clarity is needed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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