The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

#percentage #children #countries #ten #years #effects #trend #offer

The percentage of burn weight rose by 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

by recently ten years who many

majority

Change to a plural noun

majorities

show examples

of young people. The reason why,

Add a missing verb

is a

show examples

lot of influence person demonstrate their thin body and

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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a bed

healty

Correct your spelling

healthy

Firstly

, many students burn weight

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

have thin bodies.

For

this

reason

that

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apply

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, they knew it

Wrong verb form

was

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beauty and they influenced many popular individuals by

instagram

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Instagram

show examples

internats

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Instagram

. For

instense

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instance

, if they

fat

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are fat

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a lot, some

student

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students

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bullying

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bully

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fat students. It is just

education

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an education

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problems

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problem

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However

, it

is influence

Wrong verb form

influences

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health that big terrible problems as beauty.

Forthermore

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Furthermore

, children

significant

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are significant

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for their health that

consum

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consume

consuming

healthy foods.

On the other hand

, they

overweight's

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overweight

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way

was

Verb problem

had

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extremely terrible problems, the reason why they didn't

ingested

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ingest

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Correct pronoun usage

apply

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anything, so they

lose

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lost

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their power. for

instence

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instance

one

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if one

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student

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too

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much burn fat,

she

Correct word choice

and she

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lose

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loses

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her Immunity.

inconculsion

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in conclusion

conclusion

, many students

overwight

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overweight

overnight

rate gradually rose

about

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by about

show examples

percents

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percent

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in ten

year's times

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years

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Although

they want to have

thin

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a thin

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body

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bodies

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, they follow

popular

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a popular

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thin

person

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people

show examples

sns

Correct your spelling

sn's

For example

, many children gradually

has

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have

show examples

Remove the article

apply

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bad health since to much overweight.

Thus

, they

knows

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know

show examples

that are

loves

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love

show examples

their bodies.

Submitted by songchaeyun0311 on Thu Jul 18 2024

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task achievement

The introduction needs clarification. The first sentence should accurately describe the trend of increasing rates of overweight children, not 'burn weight.'

coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph transitions to ensure smoother readability. For example, connecting the impact of social media influence on students with being overweight requires clearer and more logical transitions.

task achievement

Ensure examples clearly illustrate the main points. The example about the student losing her immunity due to being overweight could be clearer or more relevant.

coherence cohesion

Try to organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on one main idea supported by relevant details or examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on language accuracy. Issues with grammar and vocabulary make it difficult to understand some points which affects overall coherence.

task achievement

Understanding the importance of discussing both causes and effects of the issue shows a good grasp of the task requirements.

task achievement

Efforts to provide examples to support points, such as the influence of social media, are noted, even if clarity is needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

187 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
nutritional value
screen time
socio-economic factors
chronic diseases
self-esteem
bullying
financial burden
promote healthy eating
physical activity
whole grains
education and awareness
policy and regulation
subsidies
fast food
obesity-related conditions

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The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

In many cities, there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernize, old buildings are demolished and replaced with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old buildings? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should not go to school unti; they are older. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some think that it is a positive development, whereas others consider it as negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. What extend do you argree or disagree?